Remembering Christ

After three weeks of bed-rest, I am now back on my feet! I have a new practitioner and she is wonderful- I feel very fortunate to be so well cared for, and I am so thankful to live in a nation providing healthcare for people in my situation! I am going to be seen weekly, because contractions are still ongoing, but as long as I don't go too crazy I am able to be active! My time on bed-rest was well spent, with reading wonderful books provided by excellent friends (Melissa, Joni, Desiree, and Menolly- thank you!!!) and crocheting my first real pattern (Menolly helped me!). Being off bed-rest is wonderful news- and I have celebrated by taking walks and spending time splashing in the pool with my family! (Harrison went off both the low and high diving boards! Carter has been jumping off them for a year now, but Harrison has now became skilled enough to jump too!)

Harrison on the low dive, jumping to me. Carter almost in the water from the high dive.

Harrison jumped off the high dive! (He is mid-air!)

My first pattern! I made baby booties! Yarn, small hook, and lessons provided by Menolly! I made these while watching Murder She Wrote episodes on my inflatable mattress- bed-rest was no picnic, but having excellent friends, an attentive husband, and great hobbies really helped!

Also on our updates: we are moving! We put in our 30 days notice, last week, and we will be heading out in July! Where? Um... not sure yet. Kurt has an interview on the 11th for a company here, he was called and told he was still a front-runner for the job in SLC, and we have been very generously offered a home on Kurt's family's farm in Iowa. So, really we have no idea where we are going. We are leaving because we knew it was unwise to sign a lease here, and our old lease is up, so- off we go. While the prospect of a move is always somewhat exciting, we admit that this is mostly stressful because we will be just 6 weeks from our little girl's arrival- and trying to transfer health care and state aid, while finding a doctor within that short time will be difficult. (All in addition to trying to unpack and get settled.) So, we are trying to stay calm and relaxed as best we can, while we pack and get ready to go... to wherever we are going....

Speaking of our little girl's arrival- I admit to having a mild breakdown today...

My husband is amazing. Really, he is. During my bed-rest he cared for our home and children, while trying to find a job- he was Superman! Now that I am able to move around more, he tries to find creative ways to pass our down time. While books, movies, and family life have mostly kept our minds busy - we have managed to keep our whits pretty well mostly by distractions... until today.

It is not a secret that we have to be careful with what little money we have left. As it is, we will be selling our second vehicle to pay for our move and deposits and rent to wherever we move. While I can generally try and reassure myself that things will be okay, I cannot help but feel panic over our lack of "necessary" baby items, as the days keep flowing by. To think that in just 71 days our little girl is due, I find myself in a bind. We cannot spend money, but at the same time, we have so very little for when our baby arrives... it is a scary place to be. I am so thankful we bought her car seat early in the pregnancy- that is really the most necessary item- but even with a whittled down nursery list, we have so very little and no real resources in which to procure things.... so, I freaked out. Kurt and I talked. We expressed our sorrow for this situation- we understand that for whatever reason this is necessary, and we have faith in God that this will be for our long-term good- but right now, it is almost too stressful. It upset me enough to leave me crying for over 90 minutes straight, and it was stressful enough that Kurt went to bed early with a horrible migraine (thankfully the kids were happy to play Legos in their rooms during this ordeal).

Once I had finished my cry and managed to climb out of my puddle- I started to read. I am reading a book that Joni lent me called Fishers of Men. In the book, some men are discussing Jesus. One of the men was recalling his night spent as a shepherd, and the experience of an angel coming to him and his brethren in the fields. The man was explaining the miracle of what he saw, and the humble beginnings of the Savior of the World. I cried again, this time, ashamed. To think that Jesus- the King of Kings, Savior of all, Lamb of God, came into the world in a humble stable, was wrapped in swaddling clothes, and rested His holy head in a manger- I was overcome. No one on Earth has given more to humanity than He did, and thought He was received with love and adoration, he did not arrive in comfort. I cannot fathom, at all, Mary's stress at that time: being in labor, nowhere to go, nothing to provide but love and nurturing, married to a humble carpenter- and yet, we do not read of Mary's worry- we read of her bravery. Mary did not fret about trying to provide a layette. Mary was not concerned about a crib. Mary did not murmur about not having a breast pump. Mary did not cry about not having nursing pads, bottles, diapers, mittens, socks, slings, swings, or toys. Mary was strong and brave- and knew better.

So during this time, I will remember Christ. I will remember His humble beginnings, and His situation. I will be comforted knowing that He would have me be strong during this time, and that things will work out.

I am thankful. I am blessed. I know this is stressful, and I know this is hard- but I also know it is for a reason. I am not sure of that reason now, but we have never had something like this happen without being able to look back and say, "Ahhhh, that worked out for our good!" So, while we anxiously await our little girl, we also await the day we can reflect upon this time and see The Master's hand at work for our good. 

Thank you, again, for the dozens of prayers that have been offered on our behalf. They mean so much to us, and we greatly appreciate each one of them. While this is going on, our hearts are not blind to the suffering of others- and we have the families affected by the fires and floods across the nation in our prayers.

*****UPDATE: I posted my feelings and concerns in my online facebook birth group, and within hours had offers for newborn baby clothing. I am so thankful for this- I feel so very blessed. I have never been on this side of help, and it is a humbling experience, but it is also beautiful and wonderful in its own way. I am so very thankful =) Right now 100% of our daughter's clothing has been given to us- Kurt's mother sent us a few sets of beautiful baby clothes, and my wonderful friend Cari sent us clothing for when our baby gets a bit bigger- through the generosity of others, our little one is being provided for during our time of need. We are so thankful for this help, and we cannot express it enough =)

Ballet!

Ballet is over for this year! Their pictures are not back yet- I will upload them as soon as I have them! For now, I will post this video of the recital and it will have to do. Sorry the vid isn't the best- I promise the real thing was well worth it! Both boys did really well- especially since they only started in January- and we are very proud!

Harrison liked ballet, but wasn't crazy about it, he is more interested in performing on stage with the theater. Carter hopes to go on with studying ballet and wants to perform with a professional company- most of them take kids starting at 8 years old, so he has a year to prepare. If our situation changes, we will be able to help him with his goal by providing private lessons and keep sending him to the best schools in whatever area we happen to live. It is *HIS* passion that fuels this- and we support it!

Summer homeschooling

As of a few weeks ago, we have officially wrapped up the 2011/2012 school year! So all the books will be packed away, right?

NOPE! Not even close!!!

"On average, students lose approximately 2.6 months of grade level equivalency in mathematical computation skills over the summer months..."

Wow! No, thank you!

We decided to continue school through the summer for a few reasons:

1) The above mentioned study.
2) Keeping the habit. Right now, our children know and expect that they will be doing homeschool work in some form, most every weekday. I can remember last fall, after taking the summer off, trying to get the kids into a homeschool routine- it was a nightmare! They fought and struggled! I will not be doing that again. My children do much better if they ease into a routine, rather be tossed in without a life vest. The biggest hurdle for our children was not the amount of work- it was going from no work to work, period.
3) There is really no reason to stop.

What does summer homeschool look like?

I decided that the boys will be doing reading everyday, and they will do one single other subject daily as well. This is much less work for them than they are used to- so they still understand the concept of "summer break." The subjects we cover are extremely diverse- but generally speaking (from the few weeks we have done so far) both boys request their subject to be math or math-related.

For our reading, I was inspired by my good friend, Kaysha, and a challenge she is doing with her little boy, in her homeschool. The idea is to read 1,500 books in one year (repeat reads do not count!). WOW! Our children read a good deal, but not *that* much, so I had to say yes and add this to our homeschool! For our family- we talked and agreed to break it down to no less than 4 books per day. Carter will read at least 2 of the daily books out-loud to us, the rest of the daily books will either be accomplished by either Kurt or I reading aloud, or Harrison reading to us! This will be as much of a family activity as we can make it- so everyone benefits from the books- so reading alone will not count in our total (Carter and Harrison enjoy books before bed, but they will not count toward this goal). To keep track I set up a Goodreads account, just for the kids (link here), and with Kaysha's help I have started to track books with Excel. I envision a lot of library trips in the future (while on bedrest, Kurt will be doing those with the kids!).

For the additional subjects, since the boys have become obsessed with math, I have been burning through math workbooks and am trying to keep it fresh by adding worksheets and activities I find online. We have math games too, but those are additional and do not count toward the daily work. I want the boys to remember what it is like to put pencils to paper every day- so even if we may do a math activity (like the boys helping to bake something, and they are doing the measuring) we follow up with some kind of paper activity (like a journal about baking).

Overall it has been a great success- and the kids are happy to finish their work early in the day (right after breakfast!) so that they do not have to think about school for the rest of the time. They are enjoying the warm weather- love to watch Carter's guinea pig run around on the closed balcony, play Wii games against one another (for a fun family activity- Kurt and I have been playing Mario Party with them!), build with Legos, dress up in costumes, and engage in imaginative play. (At this very moment, Carter is dressed like Santa Claus and has been delivering toys to our family members every half hour or so. We thank him graciously, and he then returns the toy to his workshop. Harrison is playing with Star Wars action figures, and a large cardboard box- the box is the Death Star, and he is having the characters engage with one another. Good guys always win, of course.)

So, those are our summer homeschool plans!

As far as school in the fall...

I have had surprising number of people question me about whether or not the boys will be homeschooled this fall. Kurt and I have maintained that we will make plans yearly (or by semester if need be!) and do what is best for our kids at that time. We spoke to both boys about it, and both have requested to continue homeschooling next year. Our whole family is in agreement, so unless something drastically changes, our children will both be homeschooled next fall.

I am currently in the process of researching what the best methods will be, and which materials will work for us in various subjects. For me, regarding Carter, this is a pretty easy process- his learning styles are so firmly a part of his personality that we will continue to focus on core subjects, theme based projects, and unschooling- Carter does not do well with a set curriculum and "the man" looking over his shoulder- he HATES being micromanaged! Carter thrives on schedule flexibility, as there are days where he will happily burn through multiple math chapters, and then there are times where he "needs a break" from a certain subject for a time (yes, Carter can be "made" to do work each day, but he doesn't do half as well and doesn't retain as much as if he was able to pick what he is working on). Harrison is actually my tricky one when it comes to looking at fall 2012, as his personality and learning style have never been a large part of our homeschool day- he was always so flexible that we could really do anything with him- online schools, mail-order sets, unschooling, anything! Thus far our homeschool style allowed Carter to set the pace and feel of our homeschool- but again, I am reevaluating and have decided to give the boys equal shares of homeschool attention, so trying to figure out what to do with Harrison is like charting new waters. And, of course, I am taking into account that we will have a newborn joining us as soon as school starts this fall. Lots of exciting changes!!!!

A month later...

Things here are not all bad- but they aren't all roses either- but really, are things ever just one way or another?

Great things:

The boys had their ballet recital yesterday! It was so wonderful, and they both did really well! We were very proud of them, but what makes us happiest is that they were proud of themselves! Harrison had terrible stage fright, the bright lights of the theater and the very large crowd really freaked him out! He could barely walk, his tummy was in knots! We talked to him, assured him, and he was able to do his dance. We clapped and cheered- and he was instantly better! Carter was more independent and proudly performed, he made his dedication known through his perfection! We are very happy for our boys and their pride in their work- way to go, guys!!!

Swimming season is here! I love that we have access to multiple pools all within short walking distance! LOVE! We went swimming as a family and we had a blast! For hours, truly- HOURS- we swam with the kids! We played, splashed, and tossed them around in the water. Carter was proudly showing us his "double jumps!" in the deep end (10 feet!) while Harrison wowed us with his first ever jump into the pool, where we took turns catching him! (Back story - the kids had a very scary experience with a pool a few years ago, and while Carter was able to quickly move past the fear, Harrison had very serious lingering doubts about water safety- so we have been working with him through swimming lessons and pool time- and this was a huge step!) Harrison then surprised us more by asking us to back away from the pool edge, and he would swim to us, keeping his head below water the whole time! HUGE progress!!! Carter enjoyed playing diving games and throwing Woody and Buzz toys and taking turns diving for them with Kurt! Carter could bring back toys 6 feet deep or shallower, and he had Kurt diving at 10 feet. The boys learned to play "chicken" on our shoulders too! (Harrison won, he's a scrappy fighter! In Carter's defense, I think Carter went down easily because he liked being pushed into the water.)

We are in the third trimester!!! The baby will be here in less than three months! So exciting!!! I have been so blessed- Kurt's mom sent us some totally adorable baby clothes, and my good friend Cari shipped me ultra-cute clothing all the way from Iowa! We are very lucky to have help to get ready for our little girl!


Less than thrilling updates:

Earlier last week I started having contractions lasting a minute, every three minutes. I drank a lot of water and I rested on my left side, but hours later there was still no improvement. I called the doctor's office, and they told me to go to labor and delivery at our local hospital. Our whole family went together, and we waited. I was monitored and the contractions and our little baby's heart-rate all showed up so the nurses could see. They did a few tests, and they tried a medication, but even with drugs contractions were only slowed to every five minutes. I appreciated that they allowed me to go home- I wanted to stay with my family- but have been put on pelvic rest and bed rest for the next few weeks. Bummer. I want to say that bed rest is unnecessary- but when I have broken it (I admit, I attended my boys' recital... I thought it was safe, as I mostly was sitting) I have had contractions regularly for hours after. So- bed is where I must stay. It is not fun... not at all. I am thankful my kids are older and Kurt has been here to help.

We have no updates about Kurt's employment situation. He has had interviews, but we are stuck waiting. I am reminded of this part of Oh The Places You'll Go!

I'm sorry to say so

but, sadly, it's true

that Bang-ups

and Hang-ups

can happen to you.

You can get all hung up

in a prickle-ly perch.

And your gang will fly on.

You'll be left in a Lurch.

You'll come down from the Lurch

with an unpleasant bump.

And the chances are, then,

that you'll be in a Slump.

And when you're in a Slump,

you're not in for much fun.

Un-slumping yourself

is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.

Some windows are lighted.  But mostly they're darked.

A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin!

Do you dare to stay out?  Do you dare to go in?

How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And IF you go in, should you turn left or right...

or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?

Or go around back and sneak in from behind?

Simple it's not, I'm afraid you will find,

for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused

that you'll start in to race

down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace

and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,

headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.

The Waiting Place...

...for people just waiting.

Waiting for a train to go

or a bus to come, or a plane to go

or the mail to come, or the rain to go

or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow

or waiting around for a Yes or a No

or waiting for their hair to grow.

Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite

or waiting for wind to fly a kite

or waiting around for Friday night

or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake

or a pot to boil, or a Better Break

or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants

or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.

Everyone is just waiting.

NO!

That's not for you!

Somehow you'll escape

all that waiting and staying.

You'll find the bright places

where Boom Bands are playing.

With banner flip-flapping,

once more you'll ride high!

Ready for anything under the sky.

Ready because you're that kind of a guy!

I hope for us to escape this situation soon, every day becomes slightly more stressful than the last. I want to apologize to all of my dear friends who have been trying so hard to comfort us during this time- the truth is that in times of crisis we tend to become little hermits and want to just be by ourselves, with our own little family. I do not know why we do this, we just do.

We are still keeping strong with our faith. I am co-leading a Good Morning Girls group, and it has helped me a very great deal- the women are so strong and supportive, so when I finally do open up about how I am feeling they are remarkable. We have been going to Church, well- now it is more of Kurt and the boys going while I stay in bed- and it helps Kurt and the kids keep focus.

 Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.”
                                                           James 4: 13-15

A week later...

You know those moments where you finally have an opportunity to look around, appreciate beauty, take a deep breath, and think, "Life is good!" Moments like that are a great thing- I look forward to those moments! I crave them! I try and seek them out! Today on Facebook the blog owner for Time Warp Wife posted a picture and status update:

"The view from my deck. It's a beautiful night and I'm about to get into the hot tub. Love it!"

I sadly admit, my first reaction was total jealousy. What a beautiful way to end a day! I imagine how marvelous it would be to see such a gorgeous sky and feel the luxury of slipping into a nice hot tub! I can almost feel the steaming bubbles massage away my aches while the cold night breeze kisses my face and blows through my hair. I imagine my family's current tribulation behind us. I imagine feeling happy and settled...

And then, I wake up- back to reality...

It has been a week since I found out about my dear husband's job loss. I wish I could say that this week has only been filled with smiles, encouraging words, and calm moments. Yes, we have had our share of those- but that is not all that happened. Between those helpful and enlightened times were flashes of doubt, fear, and sorrow. 

In those dark moments I tried to stay strong, and generally they were simply moments- less than minutes long- and I was able to find strength. However, some of these times were longer than the others- and in those, I felt broken. I longed for happiness. I longed to feel settled. I coveted those feelings. It was generally around the time I realized that I was "coveting" that I snapped out of my self-pity, said a prayer asking for forgiveness for my sin (coveting is something I really need to work on), and then asked for God's help. I did not ask God to make me happy, or make me feel settled. I asked Him for something greater, and something only He can give...

Yes, beyond feeling "happy" and "settled" there is a still better feeling- peace.

How can we feel peace? True peace?

Now, during this difficult time, I pray and feel peace. 

My family has more people collectively praying for us than we have ever had at any given time. I have been so amazed with the supportive friends, peers, and loved ones who have offered prayers on our behalf. These loving prayers make a difference, they really do. We can feel them- and every single prayer impacts our family in a positive way. I cannot begin to explain the comfort that washes over me when I am told that my family is being prayed for. Really, I cannot explain it- it is wonderful!!!

2 Corinthians reminds me: Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.

Tonight, before I go to sleep- I will say a prayer. I will pray for those I know are in need of prayer, and I will pray for my family. Do I pray for my husband to get a great, high paying job? Do I pray for my unborn baby to be perfect and beautiful? Do I pray for my children to have everything they want in the world? Do I pray for luxury materials to surround me? No. I don't.

I pray that my husband be open to whatever path God has in store for him, and his heart be prepared to recognize promptings of the Spirit that will lead us where the Lord will have us go. I pray that God will help me be the mother He would have me be to the children He has entrusted to my care. I pray that God will give my husband the ability to find the means to provide for our family. I pray that we live in safe and, if possible, comfortable surroundings.

Along with my desires, I always offer thanks for my multitude of blessings. My family, my faith, the restoration of the Gospel. I thank God for having us in the United States. I thank God for clean water, providing our needs, and giving us so many material comforts.

I have a lot to pray for... and so does everyone else, which is why it is so remarkable that so many are taking the time and effort to remember our family in their prayers. 

Yes, we are blessed...

with Peace.

Today's Trial is Tomorrow's Testimony

I woke at 4am. I tried to go back to sleep, but couldn't. I cuddled with my husband for a bit and then went downstairs to be alone with my scriptures.

I know I am blessed. I know it. I have a wonderful life, and we are merely experiencing a setback. But still, there is internal nagging. There is creeping fear. There is shaky uncertainty. There is confusion.

As I open my scriptures, 1 Corinthians 14:33 reminds me,

...God is not the author of confusion, but of peace...


So I wait.

I will wait, I will read, I will ponder, I will pray. And just as Psalm 121 suggests,

I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth.


This is temporary. From an eternal prospective, this trail does not matter at all. What does matter, however, is how we will handle this trial.

I need to stop the mental nagging. I need to stop the fear. I need to block the uncertainty and confusion. I need to turn to Christ and feel His grace and peace. With Him I will find rest.

After reading my scriptures I turned to one of my favorite uplifting websites: Women Living Well. It was there I found this:

WHY ME:

Have you ever laid in bed awake at night and wondered – Why me? I don’t understand these circumstances God? Have you ever felt like a failure – like the rest of the world has it figured out and you are the only one who just can’t seem to pull it together? Your will and determination just simply aren’t enough? Your 2 year old won’t let you buckle them in the car, your 3 year old bites, your four year old hits, your 10 year old struggles with reading, your teenager is defiant, or your grown child is making poor decisions and you sit there helpless.

Ecclesiastes 8:14 says “There is something else meaningless that occurs on earth; righteous men who get what the wicked deserve, and wicked men who get what the righteous deserve.”

Have you ever seen a mom of little ones dying of cancer, a young child’s life snuffed out in a car accident, a noble man losing his job while a wicked man succeeds. Do you look around and ask what’s up with this lopsided world? It doesn’t make sense?

Solomon, the wisest man on earth admits in Ecclesiastes 8:16 and 17 there are some things we will never understand on this side of heaven. He says “When I applied my mind to know wisdom and to observe man’s labor on earth – his eyes not seeing sleep day or night – then I saw all that God has done. NO one can comprehend what goes on under the sun. Despite all his efforts to search it out, man cannot discover its meaning. Even if a wise man claims he knows, he cannot really comprehend it.

No amount of lost sleep can help us comprehend what God is doing. Though we can put entire libraries on a tiny micro-chip – our human minds will never be able to solve the mysteries of God’s works. So what do we do?

“Cast all your anxious thoughts on him because he cares for you.” (I Peter 5:7)

See the full blog post here.

I will cast my anxiety and follow a simple plan:

1) I will support my husband by helping him remember how wonderful he is.
2) I will do my job as homemaker, wife, and homeschooler. I will freelance write when I can, but remember  
           my job is first and foremost to be my family's greatest earthly helper.
3) I will find beauty in life, every day, and I will make it a priority to help my family see that beauty as well.
4) Each day I will have *something* fun or enjoyable planned for us to do together. Dollar movies, trips to
            the park, picnics, an afternoon at the pool- something to help remind all of us that life is fun and
            enjoyable. We should embrace this extra time together that we have been given, and each day I will
            come up with small ways of doing that.
5) I will keep my faith, and become stronger than ever. I will continue to thank God for all He has given us.

Prayers Appreciated

My husband lost his job...

The details are unimportant, trust me, we have run through them 10000x...

End result- no job.

He is our sole financial provider. I stay home full-time as a mother, homemaker, and homeschooling parent. We have 2.5 children- I am 21 weeks pregnant. My husband is devastated.

He is such a good worker. Such an honorable man. Such a "stuffy-shirt" guy (my little brother's way of describing those always-happy-Stepford-type-workers that do everything "for the company").

Kurt has been contacted by employees who wish him well, obviously he must have left for "something much better"- they are shocked to hear he lost his job- it was not his choice. It was not something we saw coming.

If my husband- the man who can turn profits and always be in perfect work mode- can lose his job... is there any safety?

There is, but we will not find it on earth.

This poor man cried, and the LORD heard him, and saved him out of all his troubles. 
                       -Psalm 34:6


There is safety. There is security. But it comes through Him, not through an employer.

This is hard. Kurt really loved his job, and we were quite comfortable and happy. We are sad.

We do not live in fear for our futures- we are fortunate beyond count and know that we have options. It is mourning the loss of the comfort we were so lucky to have felt. It is the loss of a position and company Kurt loved. It was the loss of our momentary earthly security- an imaginary security that we had come to depend on. But today at Church we were reminded of a scripture in Jacob that spoke loudly of what our priorities need to be:


But before ye seek for riches, seek ye for the kingdom of God. And after ye have obtained a hope in Christ ye shall obtain riches, if ye seek them... 


Today I insisted our family keep the Sabbath. We attended Church, we spent time together, and we did a lot of meditation and prayer. This may sound like a simple thing to do- but with so many jobs to apply for and so many contacts to make, it was very difficult for Kurt and I to sit still and meditate on our faith and feelings.

Our Bishop and Home Teachers know of our situation. I told my family and friends. I asked for prayers from members of some of the social media groups to which I belong. My husband is a strong and capable man, but this news has set him back. He is devastated. I humbly ask for prayers for us during this time- especially for him- for comfort.

I have unshakable faith that this happened for a reason. I do not know that reason, and perhaps never will, but I trust The Lord. He has never failed us. He has always had a plan for us. If we are open, His plan will unfold and we will follow.

Thy will be done.


My mind thinks of Jesus. Alone, praying. His words going into the night, "Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done." My trials, and my husband's burdens, are nothing- absolutely nothing- compared to the tiniest fraction of what our Savior experienced. I am strengthened by this. I, too, can shoulder my earthly trial and say, "thine [will] be done."

Jesus did not jump for joy at his trial, but was brave and submitted himself to it fully. He knew that God has a plan, a purpose, for everything- and He knew that He played a part.

God still lives, and he does so many of His works through men on earth. We can be brave. We can remember that our trial has a purpose, and we will humbly submit ourselves. Is it easy? No. Is it comfortable? No. Is it something we are overjoyed to experience? No. However- the peace that comes from knowing that God is in control helps us immensely.

Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. -John 14:27

We will get through this. We will be strong. Everything will be alright.

So tonight, we count our blessings. We are literally listing them, one by one, on paper. In our minds we hear the song:

1. When upon life's billows you are tempest-tossed, When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,
   Count your many blessings; name them one by one, And it will surprise you what the Lord has done.
   Count your blessings; Name them one by one. Count your blessings; See what God hath done.
   Count your blessings; Name them one by one. Count your many blessings; See what God hath done.
2. Are you ever burdened with a load of care? Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?
   County your many blessings; ev'ry doubt will fly, And you will be singing as the days go by.
   Count your blessings; Name them one by one. Count your blessings; See what God hath done.
   Count your blessings; Name them one by one. Count your many blessings; See what God hath done.
3. When you look at others with their lands and gold, Think that Christ has promised you his wealth untold.
   Count your many blessings; money cannot buy Your reward in heaven nor your home on high.
   Count your blessings; Name them one by one. Count your blessings; See what God hath done.
   Count your blessings; Name them one by one. Count your many blessings; See what God hath done.
4. So amid the conflict, whether great or small, Do not be discouraged; God is over all.
   Count your many blessings; angels will attend, Help and comfort give you to your journey's end.
   Count your blessings; Name them one by one. Count your blessings; See what God hath done.
   Count your blessings; Name them one by one. Count your many blessings; See what God hath done.

I have been so blessed to have such a warm response to my requests for prayer. I thank every single person who says a prayer on my family's behalf. Every prayer counts, I know it. The small messages, the phone calls, the words of comfort and inspiration- all of them matter. We are blessed. This will pass. And we will be even stronger and better for it somehow.