H A double-L O W double-E N spells HALLOWEEN!

I love Halloween! The autumn weather puts me in such a great mood! I love to see all the beautiful colors and hear the sound of the leaves- it is a great time of year!

This October was pretty difficult, but all things considered we had so many great things happen to us this month! We have grown even closer as a family, and at the end of the day we can all sigh and smile because we are happy, healthy, and here. I think a huge part of our peace came from my implementation of the Women Living Well fall challenge- it really did make our home much happier!

Our Halloween actually started on Sunday. Last year we started a Halloween tradition of having "Dinner in a Pumpkin!" Because of our hectic Halloween schedule, we decided to have our special dinner on All Hallow's Eve, Eve. So, our pumpkin carving was a nice Sunday activity. (We were sad that Daddy had to work during the day, and missed our pumpkin mess fun!)

The kids helped me carve the pumpkins, and they had such a blast! Our neighbors stopped by and commented on how helpful and strong the boys were- they got a kick out of it =) When the pumpkins were hollowed I asked the children what shapes they would like for the different facial features. Both children were adamant that they needed the pumpkins to look like their grandparents. Funny kids! They gave me shape by shape instructions. Carter's mustache design was especially creative.

Dinner in a Pumpkin never fails to disappoint, and with a few small table decorations our evening was truly special! (The children adored the sparkling cider- it was a great taste of the sugar yet to come the next day!)

On Halloween the boys and I cleaned up the house, got dressed (the children wore costumes all day, of course) and ran some errands. We were sure to stop and visit Daddy at work- his coworkers loved seeing the kids dressed up!

There was an elderly man at the store who was dressed with his wide brim hat and cowboy boots- he was walking out of the store, commenting to one of the saleswomen that Halloween is not much fun anymore, "All the children dress up like ghouls and scary things!" He turned and saw Carter, dressed as a cowboy. He was so excited! Carter was equally excited because he didn't realize that the man was *not* in costume, and was thrilled that he found a grown up who shared his love of Woody from Toy Story! Carter and the man shook hands, and exchanged compliments on hats and shoes, lol!

I was so excited because this year we were able to see Sean on Halloween! We drove to Abi's new home and the children got a chance to play while Abi and I caught up. As soon as it started to get dark, we took the boys out for a bit of trick or treating. We couldn't stay long, because Daddy was almost home, and it is tradition for Daddy to take the kids. The boys had so much fun, they adore Sean!

When we got home, the first thing the boys did was run and hug Daddy. As soon as Daddy was hugged and kissed, Carter gave some love to his new best friend, Felix (AKA: Bad Kitty).

Then we put out some candy (we do not live in an area with a lot of children, so we set out a bowl and I got to take the kids trick or treating too!!!) and we all went around our little neighborhood and trick or treated. It was such a fun time!

When we were finished we took the kids out to dinner (it was almost 8pm!) and had a great meal. After dinner, we came home, changed into PJs (of course, the children wore PJs under their beloved costumes!) and we watched The Nightmare Before Christmas. (Carter did not feel like joining us until the last half, he was busy checking out all of his candy with Felix- which is why he is not pictured.)

Making your home a haven!

There are so many wonderful things about living in an area with four perfect seasons. I have always especially been fond of the colder seasons- I am one of those nutty sweater people who would rather wear five layers and sip hot cocoa than wear a tee shirt and Capri pants. (Favorite sweater seen below- click the picture for info. My friend Sara makes them by hand!!!)

Last year, right around this time, I accepted a "Fall Challenge." I had never done a challenge online before, and the thought of it was pretty neat. All I had to do was challenge myself to follow through on the suggestions offered by Courtney, over at Women Living Well. I can remember last year- it was very chaotic and stressful. I found so much comfort in the suggestions that were offered in the challenge. The simple, inexpensive, and blissful suggestions really brightened a very dark time of our lives.

The first week of October: Buy a very large candle, and light it every day. Each time the light catches your eye, say a prayer for peace in your home. This was amazing. That little light quite literally got us through some of the darkest days of the year. I loved this part of the challenge so much I continued it through the holidays. I can remember a critic of the idea sitting at the table, talking to me, and hearing all of the noise from the children in the background (3 boys under 5 years old = loud) snidely commenting, "I don't think your candle is working." The candle is not meant to change our situation, it is meant to remind us there is light in every situation. Gratitude first.

The second week of October: Play soft music everyday. Focus on peaceful words and maintaining peaceful relationships. This message is so important! The woman who makes a sweet, beautiful home, filling it with love and prayer and purity, is doing something better than anything else her hands could find to do beneath the skies. ― J.R. Miller I know that most people find it horrible, but I start playing Christmas music during this week. I enjoy the "Classical Christmas" station on Pandora- the music is beautiful and uplifting! I am also a huge fan of Jenny Oaks Baker and adore all of her CDs.

The third week of October: Find spots in your home that are visually stressful and do something to change them. While you are working on cleaning up clutter, look at your spiritual clutter. This week is always so wonderful! I love it because while I am clearing up a stressful part of my home, I also work on something stressing my heart. What I find to be helpful is either completely redecorating that small part of the house, or completely "gutting" it and throwing away or donating a lot of the items. Then, when it is all cleaned, buying or making something beautiful to fill that spot helps remind me to keep it spotless. As far as the spiritual clutter goes, I adore taking this time to look up General Conference talks about some of the major concerns, questions, or stresses in my life. For example, reviewing a very recent talk by President Uchtdorf brought tears to my eyes when I read:

As a child, when I would look at the little forget-me-nots, I sometimes felt a little like that flower—small and insignificant. I wondered if I would be forgotten by my family or by my Heavenly Father.

Years later I can look back on that young boy with tenderness and compassion. And I do know now—I was never forgotten.

And I know something else: as an Apostle of our Master, Jesus Christ, I proclaim with all the certainty and conviction of my heart—neither are you!

You are not forgotten.

Sisters, wherever you are, whatever your circumstances may be, you are not forgotten. No matter how dark your days may seem, no matter how insignificant you may feel, no matter how overshadowed you think you may be, your Heavenly Father has not forgotten you. In fact, He loves you with an infinite love.

Isn't that beautiful? I loved it. Yes, this is a perfect time to look at any spiritual clutter and clean it up!

The fourth week of October: With a candle burning, and music playing, have some tender moments with your family. Be sure to take extra time to really listen to the members of your family. So often it is easy to get caught up with all of the work we have to do! Carter's schoolwork has to be completed, Harrison's schoolwork needs attention, my own twelve credits at the University have demands, housework is never ending, and dinner always needs to be served. So many things on the to-do list can often overwhelm and take away from the things that matter- creating lasting and beautiful memories with our loved ones! By reminding ourselves to slow down, and focus on what really matters, we are more likely to take the time to play, laugh, and enjoy our families.

Halloween: Focus your attention to the kitchen, the heart of your home. Cook things with pleasing aromas. Remove all discontentment with your home or family, and give thanks to God for the home God has given you in which to create your own haven for your family. This was the best part of last year! My soul felt more calm and relaxed from already being reminded of my priorities, from saying so many prayers, being surrounded by beautiful uplifting music, and having cleaned out my clutter. This was the cherry on the top! Last year we cooked "Dinner in a Pumpkin" (we will be doing that again, this year!), lit extra candles, and spent time together. I had filled the house with warm scents, and when the children went trick-or-treating they returned to a beautiful and calm home. I cannot tell you how many people that came to our door would put their heads inside the house and say, "MMmm, it smells so good in here!" Children who were just trick-or-treating could feel the warmth of the home! Imagine how nice it would be to always live there!!!

I am thrilled to do this challenge again this year. Yes, we have had a few rough days this month, but overall, our stress level is pretty low and things are wonderful! Could they be better? Sure- but that isn't the point. The point is in MAKING our home a haven!!! Where there is room for improvement, we can improve!

Pumpkin Pickin' Fun!

Today we went on an outing with a large group of homeschool families! We had a blast! It was extra great because a friend of ours was there with her kindergartner and her toddler twins! She is such a busy mommy! Kurt and I had a blast playing with the twins, and our boys adored playing with her older son- SO FUN! Everyone picked out pumpkins. Carter and Harrison both chose green pumpkins (as usual!), and we now have six beautiful pumpkins on our hearth.

Pumpkin patch! Think its ugly and weedy? We don't! Bring it on- these are organic pumpkins!



 Carter and Harrison enjoyed playing on the playground!

 Carter loves feeding animals!

 Carter and Harrison climbed up trees, our little monkeys!

 Carter's homeschool group!

 Our family- September 2011

 Harrison didn't feel comfortable feeding the animals, but he tossed food in the pens!

 This machine was so neat! The kids put the food in little bins, and cranked the bins to the goats waiting at the top!

 Kurt, holding a little twin- we forget what it is like to be around toddlers- they are such a hoot!

Sean's Birthday

We were so fortunate to be able to attend Sean's 6th birthday party! It was a joyous event, with Sean surrounded by loving friends! There were so many fun games, our kids didn't want to leave! We enjoyed seeing Sean so much- we love him dearly and miss him like crazy!

One of my favorite things about being a mother, is seeing my children grow and learn. This year, rather than choosing Sean's birthday gifts myself, the boys asked if they could pick out Sean's toys instead. Taking the kids to the toy store, letting them browse around trying to find what they felt Sean would love most, was such a neat experience! They both ended up picking some kind of transformer-ish looking lego-ish animal-ish robot-ish thing- one in red, one in yellow. The kids were SO THRILLED to get them! I was so proud when the boys did not ask for additional toys (for themselves), but instead kept trying to fill our basket with more toys for Sean! I ended up having to limit our children, their generosity literally overflowing. I asked them each to pick a single toy, and with glad hearts they thoughtfully made their selections. They couldn't wait to give their gifts!

Kurt's gift to Sean was a little red shirt with Lightning McQueen on the front. My gift to Sean is not yet finished, but hopefully will be finished soon! I am crocheting him a simple blanket made with yarn that Sean picked out with me =) It is red and yellow (I didn't realize until this moment that my boys had picked those SAME colors! They weren't with me when Sean picked out the yarn! Sean told me yellow and red were his favorite colors- how funny is that?), and nearly completed. Sean picked very soft yarn, and my hope is that my little blanket will remind him that I miss him!

When it came time to wrap Sean's gifts I ended up putting packing material over them, and letting the boys (Carter, Harrison, AND Kurt!) decorate the plain paper. They LOVED it! Each person enjoyed decorating in his own special and unique way- and they proudly brought their gifts to our favorite little Seaners =)

As the years have passed, I have found myself literally in tears over how blessed we are. I am so fortunate to have my children, and I am so grateful for Sean. I love Sean so much, and I am extremely thankful for my growing friendship with his mother- her gentle peace and her dedication to her son are truly a beautiful thing! My children still insist we keep a chair at the table for Sean- and it sits there, every day, every meal, empty- for him. The love my boys have for him is so touching, and it is so strong! I am thankful for the time we have gotten to spend getting to know Sean, he is a remarkable little boy!

What is family?

I have written before about Elder David A. Bednar and his conference to Latter-Day Saints at the University of Utah. The conference was sobering and inspirational. Reminding us that our priorities must always be aligned with our ideals for eternal perfection, Elder Bednar asked us to question everything from our home lives to our reasons for education. When asked about trying to keep our families closely knit, he explained that when we leave this Earth we do not go to a heaven that is built within some kind of hut- with only our spouse and small children. No! It will not be anything like that! What about our children's spouses? And their children? What about a dearly loved friend? Elder Bednar explained that heaven will not be a little hut, with just our little family- it is bigger, more grand, and more open than that. However, he did caution, if it *was* likened to be like a little hut- it would only house you and your spouse.

What a sobering thought! When we stop, take a step back, and realize that the only human on Earth that we really need to give our *full* attention, support, devotion, adoration, and heart to is our spouse, suddenly a lot of things fall into their rightful place. The Joneses we were trying to keep up with don't seem to matter at all. The neighbor we never seem to please suddenly becomes less stressful. The children that we cherish beyond words are recognized as the beautiful gifts they are, and seen as holy houseguests that we are meant to train and teach, rather than just "deal with" (perhaps I am the only mother who felt like there have been days where it was difficult just "dealing with" my little boys?).

I have been homeschooling both of the boys this summer, and one of the cornerstones of the curriculum that I created was lessons about scriptures, faith, and our religion. One of the activities the children completed was all about how when they came to Earth they were given special teachers to help them along their way. The picture was of a family- and the teachers were their parents. What a beautiful message! As parents, isn't that what we do? We unconditionally love our children, the way that our Heavenly Father loves each of us, and we help them on their journey - trying to be sure to keep them safe, and on a path to everlasting joy. Beautiful!

I love my children. They give my life such tremendous joy and purpose. I am thankful for each of them, and their wonderful little personalities and talents. I enjoy listening to their thoughts, dreams, goals, and fears. I love that they are such neat little people and that I get to be their mother! I want them to know that I love them unconditionally, and that I will never stop trying to fight for the things that I know will bring them true happiness. I also want them to know I will never stop battling against the things of the world that I know can only lead to unnecessary heartbreak and harm.

I know that I haven't posted recently. Things have been difficult in our home, and my attention has been (rightfully) on trying to improve family life. After prayerful yet heartbreaking discussions, Kurt and I were able to admit that we need some time apart. No, this is not about divorce. This is about taking a step back, for us to each reflect on our lives, and our future.

Knowing how I feel about family, and knowing how Kurt feels about family- we both have given one another the upmost respect and somber attitude during this emotional time. We both know that walking away, although just temporarily, is one of the most difficult decisions either of us has ever had to face, and we both understand that it affects the most important relationship we have with any single person on the face of the earth, and it affects our beautiful and sensitive children. A few of our closest friends know about this, and those who share our faith and know our beliefs understand how truly heart wrenching a decision like this is, and therefore understand that it is not something we would EVER treat lightly. However, those who do not know us, or those whose priorities are nothing like ours, have met our decision with mockery and unjust lashing.

As much as it pains me to report, I said a final goodbye to my mother and my brother this week. I understand the dynamics of my parents well enough to know that in doing so, I have also said goodbye to my father. I understand that they do not know who I am, and that I am constantly judged as having the same motivations as my sixteen year old self, but I would have hoped that over the years our relationships would have changed and evolved. I would have hoped that they could have seen what my dearest friends could see. I would have hoped they would have been able to open their eyes, forget the past, and understand that I believe my life has a sacred purpose. Things just don't work out the way we would like them to, sometimes. Knowing my situation I was met with comments like, "Do you just have some kind of divorce envy? Is this just because you want what your brother has???" "Ha! You don't TRY in your marriage!" "You know, Kurt can't come to any of our family functions anymore." "Your kids are not warm and affectionate at all, they don't care about anyone!" Just to recall a few. Those who know me, know that I am a very... let's call it *passionate* person, and that generally such comments would never fly, let alone en masse. However, I took them. Punch by punch. Until I finally had enough. The end scene was dramatic, loud, and included saying a few choice words to my mother that I will not grace upon these pages. However, the end result was clear- I was done.

It has been years. Kurt and I have had multiple marriage councilors and therapists, and each one suggested I end the relationship with my family. Each one. At one point, years ago, I called the Dr. Laura Radio Program and explained a situation that had happened with my mother. Dr. Laura said, "In cases where someone is dangerous or destructive you need to remove that person from your life, regardless of relation. Your mother is destructive, and you need to end the relationship." Being told that I needed to end it, and actually ENDING it were two different things. After a weekend of aching meditation, I realize, I didn't end it. My parents, and my brother ended it. And, I am okay with that. I am hurt, but I am okay.

To my children- I pray for your well being. I know that there will be trials in your life that will bring you great anguish, sorrow, and hurt. I pray that when these trails come to you, that you will see that I love you, and I will help be a support for you. I pray that you will remember your biggest support will not come from anyone on Earth, but will come from your Heavenly family above. Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash. -- Matthew 7:24-27. I pray that you build your house upon the rock and that you gain a testimony of the everlasting and saving love of Jesus Christ. I pray that I can be an instrument in God's hands, and help you in any way that you need. I love you very much, and I hope you will always know and feel that love.

Thank you to my friends who have offered their love and support. I am so blessed to have such wonderful friends who do not mind visits or phone calls that mainly consist of crying. I am thankful for Kurt, and his open heart, and willingness to try and repair our marriage. I am thankful for my wonderful children, and the daily joy they bring to me. Things will get better - I know.

Tulum

Little explorers climb the perimeter!

A future archaeologist? Carter is looking for treasure!

What did our little explorers just find? A light under a fiberglass rock. LOL! That will teach the national park to try and hide their evening lighting! Cant fool my kids! LOL!

Our family =) Carter REALLY wants to run around and grab an iguana, lol, and Harrison really wants a nap!

Iguanas and ruins- good stuff!

We took a professional tour, and they gave us about 2 hours to mess around on our own. Carter decided that he would be our tour guide for the rest of the day. Here is a picture of him instructing us on where we should go. =p

Harrison enjoys balancing and jumping around!

How cool is this?!

I love visiting historical sites. The anthropologist in me goes crazy! Learning about other cultures or other times is a passion of mine, so when Grandpa Smith suggested seeing Tulum I jumped at the opportunity! Here are some of the pictures- if you look closely you will see many of the iguanas on the ruins getting some sun!

Birthday!

What do I want for my birthday? I want to see Tangled!!! Kurt took the kids and me to breakfast, then to Barnes and Noble (I just love bookstores!), and then we saw Tangled! What a great day! It was the perfect way to spend a birthday! After the movie we went home and Kurt read the kids a bedtime story. Fun times!


The boys are looking at the menu- I loved them in their matching outfits!!! (They loved them even more than I did, too!)

Carter took this picture of Kurt and me =)

Harrison enjoys a shake! He got a shake because he was dry all night! YAY!


Harrison and Sean are waiting to get into the movie theater!

The boys are ready to see Tangled!

Carter makes sure that "Baby Zebra" and "Pony Horse" have a great view of the book.

Harrison snuggles with Thomas The Train during storytime!

Siblings!

Exciting times! Kurt's parents came yesterday, and the kids loved seeing Grandma and Grandpa Lyle! It has been so much fun!!! The kids played with their grandparents, and Brian and I spent some time with Nancy and Randy. What a great time!

Harrison got tired of waiting for Grandma and Grandpa Lyle, so he thought he would pass time by playing with the kitty!

Carter took this picture, LOL!

Carter took this picture of Grandpa and Grandma Lyle!

Awwwww!!! Harrison loves hugs from his Grandma!

After a long day, we all crawled into bed and watched a movie! LOL!

Grandpa Calvin =)

Grandma Lyle and Harrison! =p

Nancy brought this old picture of Grandpa Russ! LOL!

Brain took Randy, Nancy, and me on a tour of Reno!

Randy and Nancy took Brian and me to the National Car Museum! Nancy and Randy are listening to one of the lectures about the cars. Good times!

LOVE!

Brian in character, attempts to fuel Randy's car, lol!

This is AWESOME!

Brian and I take a picture while we wait for Nancy and Randy.

Brian checks the mail... nope... none there! Why? BECAUSE THE HOUSE IS A FAKE!

Harrison shows us his "cheese sandwich!"

Harrison DEMANDS that Grandpa Russ "finish da pizza!" (we think it was mostly that Harrison was jealous that he didnt get to eat pizza... gluten is mean!)

Sean relaxes with Aunt Nancy =)

Grandpa Russ and I dance for joy when we start to play CRANIUM!

The LOSERS! (Who... didn't lose...)

Brian and Nancy are not thrilled that I wanted a tie-breaker game... they were thrilled 5 minutes later when they won the tie-breaker though.