Today's Trial is Tomorrow's Testimony

I woke at 4am. I tried to go back to sleep, but couldn't. I cuddled with my husband for a bit and then went downstairs to be alone with my scriptures.

I know I am blessed. I know it. I have a wonderful life, and we are merely experiencing a setback. But still, there is internal nagging. There is creeping fear. There is shaky uncertainty. There is confusion.

As I open my scriptures, 1 Corinthians 14:33 reminds me,

...God is not the author of confusion, but of peace...


So I wait.

I will wait, I will read, I will ponder, I will pray. And just as Psalm 121 suggests,

I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth.


This is temporary. From an eternal prospective, this trail does not matter at all. What does matter, however, is how we will handle this trial.

I need to stop the mental nagging. I need to stop the fear. I need to block the uncertainty and confusion. I need to turn to Christ and feel His grace and peace. With Him I will find rest.

After reading my scriptures I turned to one of my favorite uplifting websites: Women Living Well. It was there I found this:

WHY ME:

Have you ever laid in bed awake at night and wondered – Why me? I don’t understand these circumstances God? Have you ever felt like a failure – like the rest of the world has it figured out and you are the only one who just can’t seem to pull it together? Your will and determination just simply aren’t enough? Your 2 year old won’t let you buckle them in the car, your 3 year old bites, your four year old hits, your 10 year old struggles with reading, your teenager is defiant, or your grown child is making poor decisions and you sit there helpless.

Ecclesiastes 8:14 says “There is something else meaningless that occurs on earth; righteous men who get what the wicked deserve, and wicked men who get what the righteous deserve.”

Have you ever seen a mom of little ones dying of cancer, a young child’s life snuffed out in a car accident, a noble man losing his job while a wicked man succeeds. Do you look around and ask what’s up with this lopsided world? It doesn’t make sense?

Solomon, the wisest man on earth admits in Ecclesiastes 8:16 and 17 there are some things we will never understand on this side of heaven. He says “When I applied my mind to know wisdom and to observe man’s labor on earth – his eyes not seeing sleep day or night – then I saw all that God has done. NO one can comprehend what goes on under the sun. Despite all his efforts to search it out, man cannot discover its meaning. Even if a wise man claims he knows, he cannot really comprehend it.

No amount of lost sleep can help us comprehend what God is doing. Though we can put entire libraries on a tiny micro-chip – our human minds will never be able to solve the mysteries of God’s works. So what do we do?

“Cast all your anxious thoughts on him because he cares for you.” (I Peter 5:7)

See the full blog post here.

I will cast my anxiety and follow a simple plan:

1) I will support my husband by helping him remember how wonderful he is.
2) I will do my job as homemaker, wife, and homeschooler. I will freelance write when I can, but remember  
           my job is first and foremost to be my family's greatest earthly helper.
3) I will find beauty in life, every day, and I will make it a priority to help my family see that beauty as well.
4) Each day I will have *something* fun or enjoyable planned for us to do together. Dollar movies, trips to
            the park, picnics, an afternoon at the pool- something to help remind all of us that life is fun and
            enjoyable. We should embrace this extra time together that we have been given, and each day I will
            come up with small ways of doing that.
5) I will keep my faith, and become stronger than ever. I will continue to thank God for all He has given us.

"The true meaning of Christmas"

I often lecture my children on "the true meaning of Christmas." There are literally hundreds of books, movies, and songs dedicated to "the true meaning of Christmas." As a Christian I frequently reflect on "the true meaning of Christmas." But somehow, I still seem to occasionally forget it...

We started the day with breakfast, and then the boys wrote letters to Santa! I understand some people do not tell their children about Santa, but we do. We feel there is room for Santa in our traditions, and we welcome him every year.

Today is Cyber Monday. Online shopping, hooray! I adore online shopping- I am not a fan of crazy crowds, and I would rather sip coconut milk cocoa and shop in my pjs any day. As I was shopping (unsuccessfully...) for my children's Christmas gifts, I saw a few Lego Advent calendars I had wanted for the boys, but forgotten to buy before today. Realizing that December 1st is just around the corner, I hastily started clicking site after site, searching for one Lego City Advent Calendar and one Lego Star Wars Advent Calendar. There were many sites offering one item or the other item, but I wanted them shipped together. I was frustrated. I finally found a site that carried both, but by the time I was ready to "check out"  I had spent a whole hour shopping for these things. I was happy, I finally found both calendars! Wouldn't the boys be excited!? They would get a new Lego toy every single day until Christmas!!! Hooray! These new Lego Advents, in addition to the singing, dancing, candy-filled Advent calendar from my parents... the candle advent I wanted to use... and the Jesse Tree.... woah... wait...

As I stopped and thought about my plans for Christmas, I realized I was sabotaging my own beautifully thought-out traditions with meaningless "stuff." I had envisioned sitting at the dinner table, and slowly lighting our beautiful candle advent. I had pictured daily family scripture study, combined with the loving crafting of our own Jesse Tree ornaments to symbolize all we had learned. My mind had seen the children accepting their small candies thankfully, watching the tiny figures on the mechanical advent dance while singing a different song every day. Yes, I saw all of that, and it was all good and appropriate. Why then, did I feel the need to add more? I am not new to parenting, I know exactly what would happen if they were to get new Lego toys in addition to all of these things... how can a small Jesse Tree compete with a Santa Yoda minifigure? In mindless haste I had forgotten the true meaning of Christmas. I had wasted precious time, and had almost thrown away money, on "stuff."

Problem. I had already told the boys they were getting Lego Advents... the last thing I wanted to do was disappoint them. I felt horrible to go back on something I had already promised them, and I hoped they would take the loss without screaming too much. I braced myself for the worst, and called them into my room. I told them that I thought the Lego Advent calendars were not a good idea, and I apologized for the change of plans. What they did next was the most amazing part... they smiled, said, "Okay!" and ran back to their room to resume playing with their toys. Wow! They get it!

I temporarily forgot the meaning of Christmas, but my children did not. I love that! 

I am so thankful that we have such an awe-inspiring and loving Savior who died for our sins- it is truly a good thing that I am offered forgiveness, because I seem to need it often. I am thankful that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love me, and are willing to offer their love at all times, despite my many faults. I am so thankful for the scriptures, and for their daily reminders of who I really am, and who I can be. And today, I am even more thankful than ever for my children- who truly do make me a better person!

Things I wish I had known...

Carter and Harrison-

The other day I was cleaning my kitchen when an old memory crept back into my mind:

You were both very small - both under the age of two - and I was frazzled. I had been trying to keep the perfect home while my marriage was failing, Daddy was never home, I was trying to pick up work on the side, and your grandparents and our extended families were far. We had moved to a new area almost a year before, and we didn't really know anyone very well, and I was feeling more overwhelmed than I would have ever believed possible. Despite all of this, I demanded perfection from myself.  I was so overwhelmed there were days on end that I didn't get a shower, or bother getting dressed. I was totally spent on my house, home, and service. I had demanded so much from myself that I had never, ever, left both of you with daddy and took a break. What was breaking, however, was our home. But nothing I ever did felt good enough. 

Work a little harder. Clean a little better. Wake a little earlier. Push a little further. Do a little more. DON'T BE LAZY, I told myself. These were my mantras. 

As the memory ended, I looked around my home today. You boys were running around playing happily, my happy husband was coming home to spend his lunch hour with us, and I was feeling warmth in my heart. How did I get here, from there?

Many believe it was because of the babies. Sure, two children under two is a VERY huge job, but really, that wasn't it at all, you little guys were not the problem. It was ME. (And despite what others insist, it was NOT postpartum depression... I will explain more later)

I wish, so much, that I could go back in time to my 2006 family. I wish I could hug myself, and tell me to be brave, and that things will work out to be better than I ever imagined. I can't do that, but what I can do is offer some of the things I learned over the years to you guys, for your families. I don't know where you will live, what you will do, who you will marry, or how many children you will have (Yes, Carter, I know right now you insist you will marry Kayla and have one single child, a boy, named James- but things have a way of changing!) but I do know that most of these things are universals that can be applied to many parts of your lives. While many of these were written from my role as your mother, I REALLY HOPE you understand that it is NOT just your wife's job to do the housework. NO NO NO NO. More on that later, but do NOT skip over parts of this that "don't apply" to you (in your mind...).

1) Sleep matters. Get around 8 hours of it, at least 5 nights per week. Your chores can wait until the morning, your email can go unchecked, your social networking will not crash down- go to bed. If you have infants in the home, NAP when your babies nap!!! (I never did this, I really should have!!!)



2) Nutrition can make all the difference! Don't eat gluten. Like, ever. If you are feeling really sluggish, look at your sleep, stress, and nutrition- how are they going? Try and manage nutrition as best as you can by only filling your home with healthy things. By healthy- I mean look at the biochemistry of the inputted calories and how they react with your body. If you do have a craving for something unhealthy, it is not as easy to indulge if it is not found inside your home. Indulging is NOT the end of the world- but don't make it easy. Do not feel like you need to eat something just because someone handed it to you- especially if it was well meaning home or visiting teachers, family, or a friend. Just smile politely, thank them, and then either pass it to your neighbor, donate it to a food bank, or toss it away.

3) Forget about your weight. Seriously. Forget it. There WILL be a time in your life that working out will fit in, and that you will have the time to devote to getting your healthiest self. If you have very small children, this may not be the time, and that is OKAY! I have gained and lost a lot of weight over the years- and for what? Most of the time I was gaining I was obsessing about gaining. Don't make that mistake. Just realize that weight is not stoic and that things will change when you are ready to change them, but don't kill yourself doing it right now if you don't have the time. Try to live an active lifestyle, eat healthy foods, and have fun moving your body- if you are doing that, chances are you will not have a huge problem.

4) Educate yourself! I learned this one a few years after Carter was born. Even if you are not in school, your education is not over! Read about ultrasounds, vaccines, food production, congressional bills, safety regulations, car seat reviews- READ THEM! Do not blindly follow rules, protocols, or advice. Read things and decide for yourself. This includes Church activities- read the scriptures, ponder, and pray- gain your own testimony! I cannot tell you how many times someone has heard our family doesn't (or does) X, and they will say, "But you must do X!" and when I simply say, "Why?" they have no answer. "Why are your school age children in car seats!? Don't you know boosters work just the same?!" "Don't you know you have to vaccinate them!? Vaccines are safe!" "Bread is healthy for you, your kids need it to grow!" We get it a lot- and I have found that because I have taken the time to educate myself on both sides of the argument or issue, I am better able to handle questions (or attacks) such as these. Generally, the accusing party is not nearly as knowledgeable as they originally believed they were. Even if they are educated on the subject, once they realize that I have also done my homework, they tend to back off. Don't fall victim to heard mentality- stay sharp and educate yourselves on things, especially when they involve the health or safety of your family. Good rule of thumb- if "experts" disagree on the safety of something, then it's a safe bet that you should probably look into it.

5) Follow your gut, but trust the Lord. I cannot possibly grace this with all of the times that I have found myself in a position where I felt so lost and unsure of WHY I got a specific answer to a prayer, but later it was perfectly clear. I cannot help but think of Joshua and the Battle of Jericho (click to watch the quick Veggie Tales version, if you are not familiar with the story) and the faith that must have been exercised by Joshua to follow through on such a seemingly strange request from the Lord. It is important, boys, that you follow your gut. So often I have felt uneasy about something and then realized I shouldn't have done it. Other times, I followed through on my feeling, pondered it with prayer, and then was able to safely rest knowing I was doing the right thing. A few things have included: not giving Carter cranial skeletal reconstructive surgery, not immunizing Harrison, moving to Reno, and staying home full time. These were big decisions that "felt" a certain way, but were later confirmed by prayer. **There have been times where I would pray, and get an answer QUITE different from my knee-jerk gut reaction. Moving back to Salt Lake City, away from Idaho, was one of those times. Again, it all worked out for the best, but at the time, I was terrified. Yes, I trust my instincts, but I have pure faith in The Lord, and only He knows what is truly best for us.

6) "Less than perfect housework still blesses your home" - FlyLady. I found FlyLady in 2006 and I loved it! My house was ALWAYS perfect (Daddy's comment was, "Wow, when I married you I didn't think you would be able to keep a house this big so clean!"... Daddy was in big trouble for this, because 90% of our early marriage messes were Daddy's fault... more on that later). However, once little Harrison came along and Carter started to get into more trouble, the house needed more work. I embraced the FlyLady system, but I didn't really "get" her purpose. The idea behind FLY is Fully Loving Yourself. I was not doing that. I was going through the motions. The idea that "less than perfect housework still blesses your home" did not stay in my heart until 2010, when we were living with Sean and Uncle Brian. With six people in less than 1300 square feet (half of the six being little boys UNDER the age of six!) there was a LOT of mess to clean, in addition to a lot of regular traffic cleaning. I can remember sweeping the kitchen and crying because I had swept and mopped it the day before! In my tears I remembered, "less than perfect housework still blesses your home" and instead of allowing myself to feel guilty over not mopping right after sweeping, I simply swept, and walked away. It was amazing, it was freeing!

7) If you don't work, you do the housework, right? Wrong. So wrong. This one is really going to fluctuate based on your family and you will need to determine (early!!!) what kinds of family roles you both feel are appropriate. However- the things you found yourself agreeing to before the marriage, and the things you find yourself in five years later, may be quite different. It is important to understand that there are many different seasons to your home life. There are the dating years, the early marriage years, the baby years, the school-age children years, and so on. During these seasons, the level of housework will change, as well as the time that must be devoted to other areas (school-aged children are able to dress themselves and feed themselves, babies are totally adorable but helpless time-suckers). The first three years of our family were the hardest- not just because of you little babies, but also because Daddy believed that he didn't have to do anything around the house. Daddy only cleaned or did dishes if people were visiting, so when people visited Mommy would literally be sprawled on the couch, enjoying the first break she would have had for months! (Due to this, our extended families seemed to believe Daddy was a slave! HA! What a joke!) I understood that taking care of hearth and home were "my job", but Daddy felt that EVERYTHING in the home was my job- to the point where he wouldn't even pick up his own towel, put his own clothes in the hamper, or remove dishes from his own office. In short, Daddy was refusing to pick up after himself, and treating me like nothing more than a housekeeper. We didn't understand at the time- but now it is so clear why Daddy's position needed to be changed. Around the time Daddy and I separated, he took a 40 hour a week job. Because I was so busy going to school, working, volunteering, and doing other resume building activities, Daddy was actually home more than I was and therefore was forced to spend time with you and clean things for himself. For the first time ever, he realized home work is a VERY BIG THANKLESS JOB! The roles were totally reversed when I would come home late at night, toss my things on the nearest clean surface, complain that his dinner tasted less than wonderful, and then go to bed without so much as lifting a finger. I TRULY hope it does not take a role reversal for you to understand how difficult, time consuming, gulling, and often thankless being home full time is. Yes, your work at work is probably busy, stressful, and exhausting. But trust me when I can HONESTLY say, there are days where I would have PAID for the luxury of a commute, because just the idea of time by myself in a car sounded like a piece of Heaven. Help your spouse, by helping with housework- even if it is a single daily chore, it will help!

8) Don't allow someone else to define you. We associate so many meanings with simple words. If I say, "What do you do?" generally it is followed by a reply about a job. Imagine if, instead of being defined by our paycheck sources, we were defined by our interests. "I am a computer gamer, avid sports follower, a bit obsessed with following technology news. Most days I would love nothing more than to spend hours having epic light-saber battles with my children, and cracking 'unfunny' jokes at my wife. For my paycheck, I manage a local retail store for a cellular company." That would by Daddy! Doesn't that say so much more about Daddy, than if he had simply listed his job title? After all, it is not our work week that defines us- it is what we chose to do with our free time. Do not allow someone else to define you, do not allow someone else's definition of you blind you to who you are. For years and years I allowed a few people to define me, and it affected how I felt about myself, the quality of my work, and even my own expectations and desires. The freedom that comes from letting go of other people's definitions and expectations is beautiful! The Lord gave me certain talents and weaknesses, and by trying to fit into someone else's definition and mold, I am not allowing myself to become the person He would have me be. If you are prayerful in your decisions and choices, you will find who you are!


9) Forget about the Jones Family! You know the age old, "Keeping up with the Jones?" Forget it! What works for the Joneses will NOT necessarily work out for you! A factor in many of our early family struggles was my desire to be like ____ family. I actually remember a few specific families that I wanted to not only emulate, I wanted to carbon copy! I wanted so much to be what I thought they were, have what they had, and do the things they did! I practically drove Daddy and myself completely bonkers! Once I started to become the person I truly am, I found that my desire to keep up with the Joneses disappeared. Don't read this wrong- there are still women that I admire, ask assistance from, and whose traits I would like to pick up. But no longer do I feel the need to completely change who I am- now I just find great skills, philosophies, or ideas that I would like to learn. Boys, just as I love you for you- I want YOU to love you for you, and understand there is no "correct" way of being a family, that is why there are no daily instruction books! Just follow the Plan of Happiness, and the rest will fall into place! There are so many wonderful ways to be a family, and what works for one family will not work for others- and that is okay! Do not put unnecessary pressure on your families to be something you aren't, and do not judge or belittle families who are different from your own- some families think it is neat that we homeschool, others think it is ridiculous. Some mothers think it was neglectful of me to go to Africa while you were young, others thought it was inspiring. DO NOT worry about the Jones family- only ever worry about the Lyle family!

10) "But you know, there's an old saying: 'Sometimes monkeys die.'" This may sound like a silly quote, but it is SO true in its intent. Sometimes things just happen, and we need to roll with the punches and carry on. I had such a clear idea of what kind of mother I was going to be. I had such a crystal vision of what my life would be like. It is not uncommon- this vision of a new mother, dressed in a beautiful white dressing down, sitting in a rocking chair by a window, happily nursing her newborn. The nursery is perfect, the sunshine is perfect, her face, hair, and makeup are perfect. It is perfect. What I didn't realize is that:

• Sometimes children cry. That's it. Don't freak out. Other parents will not judge you by whether or not your children cry, but they may pay attention to how you deal with it. 
• Sometimes you have to be the bad guy, to teach a good lesson. One time you were both under the age of four and we were at a McDonald's Playland. You both climbed to the top, and were laughing at me, refusing to come down. I bought two ice cream cones, and stood at the bottom, holding them up, so you could see them. You both came right down, giggling in anticipation! I grabbed your little hands, tossed the ice cream in the garbage, and took my crying children home. You never, ever, tried that again. 
• Sometimes Family Home Evening is going to suck. You will spend an hour getting everything ready, for 10 minutes of what seems like not very much fun. Stick to it- great blessings await!
• Sometimes your children will lose. When your children are young, your attitudes to these losses will matter more than the losses. In our home, DOing is what matters most- and as long as you did all you could, you did well.
• Sometimes your child will not be the best. That does not mean your child is a failure, and it does not speak volumes about your parenting. Let it go. Someone is always first, and someone is always last, and occasionally your child will be first, and occasionally your child will be last.
• Sometimes people will criticize how you parent. If you are finding yourself overly stressed or unhappy with your parenting style, maybe take a few minutes and think about the criticism. However, if you are happy, your child is happy, and there is peace- let it rest. 
• Sometimes bad things happen to good people. Remember the Plan of Happiness, hold tight to the rod, and choose the right- you will be okay, things may be hard, but you will be okay.
• Sometimes you will want to give up. Don't. Ever.
• Sometimes you will need help. ASK FOR IT! If you are having family problems, I pray I am the kind of parent you can come and talk to. I pray that rather than offer harsh criticisms I offer loving kindness, a shoulder to cry on, and help.
• Sometimes you will argue with your spouse. For the vast majority of marriages, it happens. 
• Sometimes your children will be totally awful, and you will wonder what you are doing wrong. If this happens rarely, it is probably not you... if it happens often, maybe rethink something about your parenting style. 
• Sometimes your marriage will feel like a car. If you drive it too rough, conditions are too harsh, and you are too neglectful, it may break down. Break downs are a lot harder and more expensive to fix than regular maintenance. Dates, daily prayer, remembering who you are, honoring your priesthood, loving attention, and time together goes a long way.
• Sometimes you will be used as a tissue, a puke target, a jungle-gym, a towel, a magical protective force-field, a judge and jury, a security blanket, a portable chair, and bug slayer. Own these roles, they only last for a finite amount of time. 
• Sometimes you will find yourself feeling so blessed, you will cry. It will happen, and it makes it all worth it!

There are so many things I would like to share with you, but those 10 will do for today. Just remember who you are, and things will be alright. I love you!

A testimony.

I have been having a private struggle with something. I have only told 4 people, one of whom is my husband, about this struggle. Today, while in Church, I was able to witness a tender mercy of my very own.

Struggles are never easy- even if we are faithful. When struggles are deeply personal, and stir old feelings, they can be painful and difficult to handle. As much as I write in blogs, I am a pretty private person, and I don't generally share the pains that are closest to my heart. I do, however, reach out to friends that I feel would offer helpful insight or uplifting council during these times. During this struggle I have often turned to scriptures like, Psalm 34:19 which says, A righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all. The scriptures have brought me comfort, but could not solve my problem.

In my struggle, I reached out to a dear friend of mine, and she wisely offered comfort, and added that she would seek helpful suggestions on my behalf. She talked to me a week later, with some very wonderful ideas on how to solve my issue. Trying them, however, I was met with failure. Frustrated and in need of help, I turned to another friend- this time looking for a way to (in essence) run away from my problem. My friend offered basic truths- this was not a problem I could run from consequence free, but she offered to help me nonetheless. Feeling backed into a corner (running away was not a good option) I reached out to my third friend. This friend lives in Utah, and is very very very very very very very busy. I wrote to her, and while I waited for her response I kept searching my scriptures, journaling my innermost thoughts and feelings, and praying for help.

 A few days later I had a beautiful dream. I woke from the dream with a clear understanding of what needed to be done. However, my heart was still heavy. Just in time I received a response from my Utah friend. Her message was so beautifully and truthfully simple, and it came with a movie recommendation** (bonus!). I picked up the movie, had a home-date with Kurt, and felt much better about my decision.

Enter tender mercy (as if I hadn't already been given so many!). This Sunday I went to Church, and right after our Sacrament Meeting I was asked to meet with our Bishop. His words were EXACTLY what I needed to hear. His kindness, and his loving concern were EXACTLY what I needed, and were miraculously spoken on the topic closest to my heart! At one point, I started crying, and I apologized for him having to meet with me- but I expressed gratitude- surely one of my friends had called him on my behalf and had told him of my problem, because everything he said spoke to my deep inner struggle! He looked confused for a moment, and then smiled- no one had called him, he simply followed his prompting, exactly when he felt the time was right, and the topics of discussion were what he felt impressed to say. AMAZING.

My heart is full, and my head clear. As beautiful as all of these helps have been, I do understand that none of these things could have happened without my willingness to try and work things out for myself. Knocking, and asking for Heavenly help, had to come from my desire for assistance and not from a desire to sit in my personal emotional puddle (don't get me wrong, I wanted to do that! I wanted to sit, tell the world about my issue, and complain until everyone felt sorry for me... but, where would that have gotten me?). To my children- please learn from this- you must knock!

What was most amazing about this experience was that the perfect words from my Bishop only came after I had decided to do what was right. The Bishop's holy words were Heavenly confirmation that I had done the right thing, and my faithfulness was rewarded with a beautiful blessing. And, my decision to do what was right only came after study and council. There was some beautiful work done here, and I am very thankful for it. I am thankful for my friends, who offered help when I needed it, and offered prayers on my behalf. I am thankful for my Bishop, and his wonderful use of his Priesthood and position. I am so thankful for Heavenly Father and our Savior, Jesus Christ- and the magnificent work they do in our lives each day!

** The movie was 17 Miracles and was totally amazing. It was a very humbling reminder that whatever struggle I am going through is pretty small compared to what many others have suffered. It was relevant to my personal struggle, so it spoke even louder to my heart- but it is definitely a movie I would suggest anyone see!

Sabbath Rest

Every Saturday night, when the house is in order and the children are asleep, I light a candle. I do not light the candle until my schoolwork is completed for the week. I do not light the candle until the house is clean enough for me to tolerate. I get my house and my work in order, and then I light that little candle. I started doing this about three weeks ago, and it has really changed my life.

How could lighting a little candle change a life? You may ask. Allow me to elaborate!

Sundays have been difficult for a long time. I don't exactly remember when, but it feels like forever. Just the word, "Sunday" would make me secretly cringe, and I had no idea why. Years ago, when I first joined my church, Sunday was my favorite day! I would literally count down until Sunday- I adored going to Church so much! However, after Kurt and I got married and had kids, I found myself so exhausted and in need of... something... and Sundays became my least favorite day ever. Sundays were the days where "I can't get anything done!" because I didn't want to break the commandment to obey the Sabbath. My Sunday funk did not always exist. It varied from location to location, and season to season. But overall, I would say Sundays were not a good day for me. After Sunday came dreaded Monday, a day where I would literally slave over all the work that had gone undone on Sunday. I was doing this so wrong! I was seriously stressing out over the work I was supposed to be resting from! Wrong idea!

And he said unto them, The sabbath was made for man, and not man for the sabbath. - Mark 2:27

This was the first scripture that I pondered. It felt so backward to me. I had become a pretty nasty person on Sundays and I didn't like it. I didn't like how I felt, or how I acted. This scripture confused me so much... but it stayed in my heart. Over the next few weeks I pondered it thoughtfully and prayerfully. I journaled, discussed, and poured out my heart in prayer. Slowly, precept upon precept, I began to learn about the purpose of rest on the Sabbath, and I could FEEL it change our entire home.

I found a book called Sabbath- FindingRest, Renewal, and Delight in our Busy Lives. The book was actually written for non-religious people and religious people of any practice, and examines various religious beliefs and philosophies dealing with the concept of a "day of rest." The book discussed the Sabbath, from Creation through Constantine, through to modern day. I did not pick up this book for help with my Sunday problem- the book was given to me years ago and I needed some mindless reading and this happened to be closest to the end of my bedroom's bookshelf. The book uses scripture references, thoughtful quotes, and borrows traditions from many religions- all to demonstrate the need for "rest" in our lives. I had no idea that this book would lead me to search my scriptures more, and find peace on Sunday, but I am thankful for it!!!

One of the first things that the book suggests is "Practice: Lighting Sabbath Candles" below is a small section.

The traditional Jewish Sabbath begins at sundown, the Christian Sabbath with morning worship. In both, Sabbath time begins with the lighting of candles. Those who celebrate Sabbath find that in this moment, the stopping truly begins. They take a few breaths, allow the mind to quiet, and the quality of the day begins to shift. Irene says she can feel the tension leave her body as the wick takes the flame. Kath says she often weeps, so great is her relief that the time for rest has come. This is the beginning of sacred time.

Even Sara, who does not celebrate Sabbath at all, tells me that when she has prepared dinner for her family and is ready to eat, she is especially fond of the moment she lights the candles. It is, she says, a kind of silent grace, a ritual beginning of family time.

WILL

Three generations back

my family had only

to light a candle

and the world parted.

Today, Friday afternoon,

I disconnect clocks and phones.

When night fills my house

with passages,

I begin saving

my life.

- Marcia Falk

Knowing I needed to do SOMETHING, I started small. I was already reading, praying, and journaling- what harm could lighting a candle do? I thought about when to light it, and I decided to light it Saturday night. I had promised myself that I would do ZERO schoolwork on Sundays- but I cannot tell you how often I found myself wide awake at 4am (because, it was still sort of "Saturday night" right???). No more! I decided my work needed to end before midnight- nothing was ever due Sundays anyway. So- by midnight, I have my house in order and my schoolwork finished, and I light my little candle. I light it Saturday night, and I literally breathe in the beautiful rest. I relax, I read, and ponder, I pray. I love it. I blow the candle out Saturday before bed, and I light it again on Sunday morning, and whenever we are in the house on that beautiful Sabbath day, the candle is lit.

I thought the candle might help me, but what I didn't realize was how much the candle would change my family. When my children see that candle, they know there is a different feeling in the house. We are all a bit better- more courteous, more quiet. Sundays are no longer the chaotic zoo they once were, they are peaceful, calm, and beautiful. I NOW fully understand why the Sabbath was created for man. We need the rest!

**Candle + music by Jenny Oaks Baker = instant peace in our home!

Taking a breath...

Carter started soccer three weeks ago. We had Cameron here two weeks ago. Carter started school last week. Harrison and I start tomorrow. Busy, busy, busy!!!

I am thankful for the k12 program we are using with Carter. I adore that they started his lessons slowly, so that we were able to take our time figuring out all of the technical details. I am hoping that my first few weeks back at the U will be the same way- please, Professors, take it a bit easy at first!

Kurt and I have been working together, and things are going more smoothly. We have had more scheduled discussion times and we have both made an effort to keep those times clear. We have increased our communication regarding our plans, needs, and desires. We have been working carefully to monitor our own moods, and express them to one another before heated discussions have a chance to take place. Baby steps to improvement and peace.

Peace in the home matters. The chaotic and confusing world outside is full of nearly constant ranging storms. I believe it is vital for everyone to be able to have a safe and calm place where they feel comforted and uplifted, rather than strained and stressed. In a perfect world, that safe place would always be at home. However, it takes great effort to keep a home happy- especially when the home houses little ones who demand great amounts of time and energy.

Kurt has been working a lot more hours recently. While I appreciate that his company pays him overtime on top of his salary, I was feeling pretty burned out. A large part of the marital repair that Kurt and I are facing involves both of us trying to be empathetic to one another's situations and stresses. While I understood his work was important, I was greatly missing any kind of downtime. However, rather than express my exhaustion, I wrapped myself in Kurt's needs and tried hard not to burden him with what I was going through. It didn't take long for this to translate into me becoming an overly emotional, hypercritical, and exhausted. With each day that passed I was able to do less and less while consistently feeling worse and worse. I blamed my diet, but once the Rolo McFlurries had stopped- I was eating perfectly. I blamed my missed workouts, but found that getting back into my routine didn't help. I was missing a large piece, but couldn't quite find the fix...

I have been rereading a book about raising sensitive children when I came to a section written for parents. No, not instructions about parentING, it was more like a clothing care label- it listed symptoms of burnout, and gave a simple cure. ALONE TIME. What??? Psh. Surely that couldn't apply to ME. I mean, I am alone all the time! Like... um... for example... uh... maybe not. The same day I read about alone time, my good friend Joni facebooked that she was excited because her hubby shooed her out the door early for her much needed break- in the form of a pedicure. One would think that after reading my book, and then seeing such a post, I would have thought, "Yeah, a break is important. I am going to do that now!" But... I didn't. I told myself I would be fine. I told myself that reading in my bed (with my night owl Carter reading at my side) was the same thing... it is, right? Apparently not.

Saturday came and our day was FILLED with family activity. Carter's soccer game, family outings and errands- we were booked. We came home at 5:00 and I needed to make dinner. I was ready to break down and cry... just the thought of making a simple dinner seemed like it was taking the same amount of effort as a climb up Everest. Kurt jumped in and offered to make dinner. Somehow, it wasn't enough. The kids were climbing all over, jumping around like mad, and pretending to be various kinds of animals. I love my children more than life itself, but just the sounds of their little voices made me want to scream and run away. Yeah... break time.

Kurt suggested I go out and see a movie. But I remembered Joni's pedicure, and decided to go that route. If you are not from the Reno area... take this tip- DO NOT TRY AND BOOK ANYTHING IN A SPA ON A SATURDAY EVENING. They are all booked. Most of them, I found, include cocktails (not that I would drink one!). Who knew? However, getting an appointment was a nightmare. I called every spa within 20 miles. Nothing. As my budget climbed, so did my stress level. GREAT. I finally decide to take a break and I can't get what I want!? UGH! With a LOT of hesitation I called the nail salon located in WalMart. I hate... HATE... WalMart. I was also super snooty about the price. How good could a $28 pedicure in a WalMart be? Kurt was soothing, tried to offer solutions ("Do something else tonight, and book a pedicure for next week!") but I knew what I wanted. I wanted a pedicure! Kurt reminded me that it would probably not be what I was used to, or be the experience I was really looking for... I had to agree. I mean, how could a cheap WalMart pedicure stack up to a $95 aroma experience with hot stones and specialty products? At this point, I didn't feel like it mattered. Kurt convinced me to get the WalMart pedicure and then see a movie.

I called ahead. They had an opening. I grabbed my keys and left.

Within just a few minutes of being alone in my car (what is that sound? SILENCE! No children arguing, talking, singing, or asking for stops at the toy store?!) I could feel my shoulders relax. By the time I was sitting in the massage chair I was feeling more at ease.




In twenty minutes I was VERY SERIOUSLY humbled that I had scoffed at the WalMart nail salon. Their employees were cheerful, sweet, and skilled. I was there for almost an hour, and as I walked out of the building I felt like I could take a deep breath and smile. A quick phone call with Joni made me feel brighter, and then I went to Barnes and Noble and browsed for (yikes!) three hours.

Lesson learned. My pride had almost blinded me.

A break is a break. I had forgotten how amazing it felt to be alone. It was perfect. PERFECT!

When I arrived home I felt like a new person. I felt energized, grateful, happy. When I walked through the door I found Kurt trying to manage the circus alone. Carter and Harrison were gleefully jumping around, hiding from Daddy, and trying to play instead of sleep. Because I was feeling so calm, I was able to think outside the box, and I was able to take over the situation (so Kurt could take a break!) and get our happy kids to bed in record time.

Prayers were answered!

The strangest thing happened...

Last August we said a prayer, and we knew that I shouldn't attend University classes that fall. I had been full time in Spring and Summer, so taking a break in the fall was not a huge deal.

At the same time, my brother's wife left and demanded a divorce. She started dating, and had appeared to have pretty much cashed out of her old life. My brother needed help with his 5 year old- so, we decided to help out. We prayed hard, but got no answer, we both got the impression that the move didn't matter in the long run. We were both kind of surprised by this- how could a 500 mile move NOT matter? But, if we had the choice to stay in Utah, or go help family in Nevada, we knew we had to go.

We moved.

Through MAJOR miscommunication, and some downright shady business, Kurt lost his job. The Walgreen's Salt Lake City district manager claimed that Kurt abandoned his position in Salt Lake, and he fired Kurt. NO ONE knew about it. Kurt moved to Reno, started working for his new district, and everything was fine. It wasn't until he re enrolled for benefits that it flagged that he had been fired MONTHS before hand! The district people here in Reno tried everything to reverse the decision. The district leader swore up and down that he had permission from Salt Lake to bring Kurt into his staff! The pleas fell on deaf ears, and Kurt was jobless.

To make matters worse. We found out that my brother's home- the one we live in- was in danger of foreclosure, and up for short-sale.

Then illness after illness hit our family.

It really didn't seem like our situation could get worse... but somehow, we never worried. Yes, there was stress, but never panic.

The state of Nevada has over 15% unemployment. Kurt applied for unemployment benefits right away, but Walgreen's claimed he abandoned his job. Unemployment found it odd that they actually fired Kurt months AFTER the termination decision, and gave Kurt no warnings, notices, or write-ups. Unemployment in Nevada fought with Utah over WHO should pay Kurt- technically he lost his job in Utah... but technically he was fired in Nevada. UGH. We never saw a single penny. That was annoying. It seemed like everyone was looking for a job- it seemed like everyone had hours cut. It seemed like no one was hiring!

Then... Kurt got a job. Not just any job. He got a GREAT job. I am so thrilled to say that Kurt is starting at Verizon- and even though Verizon told him they start 99% of ALL employees at the sales level, they brought Kurt into management. Kurt gets INSTANT health benefits! Kurt gets INSTANT vacation time! Kurt works at the District Office! And his salary is more than we hoped for!

This was more than we could have hoped for!!!! Kurt had LITERALLY applied for minimum wage hourly positions- just because he wanted to have a job! And now- he is thrilled to be working on a career path that he hopes to retire with! THIS IS PERFECTION!!!!!!!!!

Prayers are answered. They really really really are. We are in a better position RIGHT NOW than we have EVER been- in our marriage, and our lives. I am so thankful for the prayers that were offered on our behalf. I am so thankful for the scriptures that carried me through the darkest times. I am so thankful for my hardworking, professional, and amazing husband- who I ALWAYS KNEW would support our family so I could stay home. There is no way I can express my thanks enough! Well... maybe... I will go make Chicken Tikka Masala, give my man extra kisses, and hug my kids more- we made it through the storm, and now the light is shining!

Reading for Miracles

When I first heard that my dear friend, Becca, was doing a Book of Mormon reading challenge I was all in! I just thought it would be a great chance to track reading, have others reading with me, and for me to have someone there to hold me accountable for reading my scriptures every day. It was an excellent addition to my "to do" list (I have a weakness for lists- I love them!).

Becca started listing the participants of her challenge on her blog. The list got so long, and the entries of the readings were so detailed, she moved everything to a separate blog! Something that stood out to me was over the names of the people who had signed up, she had written something to the effect of, "Reading to see Miracles." That made me stop for a moment. I thought about it, and when I decided to link the info on my own blog, that is what I decided to tittle her challenge as. At the time, we had absolutely no worries or cares in the world. We had just moved, we were living in a beautiful home, we were surrounded by family- all healthy and happy.

What I didn't know was just how important seeing those miracles would be. What I didn't know was all of the challenges that would come for our family, like waves upon waves in a typhoon. What I didn't know was that through everything, although I would feel unsure, frightened of the future, and stressed about the situation- that because of this scripture reading, I would have a deeper feeling of peace than I have ever felt before. I would feel more comfort than I had in my life. I would grow closer to my Heavenly Father and my Savior than ever.

Heavenly Father always has a plan for us. I love Him. The Lord does not abandon us. He does not forget us. Yes, there have been times, during my darkest moments, that I felt alone and frightened, but every time that I ASKED for help, it was given. I hope that my children notice that I did not type: "every time I NEEDED help" - because that is not the same thing. When I was reading to see miracles, I saw that throughout the scriptures there were times of joy and times of sorrow. Times where things were pretty good, and times where things were pretty bad. The difference was in how the people ACTED. I read time after time of a humble servant of the Lord, doing all that he could to do the Lord's work, and then, after exhausting his own resources and energies, calling upon the Lord for help. In order to knock, we must show Him that we are willing to set aside our personal desires and allow him to carry us in a direction that will truly lead us to everlasting happiness. Sometimes our answers will take us to unexpected destinations, but time after time, with hard work, and faith- we are given situations that end up being better for us than we could have realized. Our time here on Earth is not a time to work to acquire stuff- it is a time to learn, share, and grow.

Becca has expressed desire to continue to read scriptures like this, and invited people to join her. Her faith, inspired actions, and her desire to help others find peace is so inspirational to me. Her story is so amazing- right now her family is experiencing its own real miracle, and I couldn't be happier for them! I am so extremely lucky to have gotten to know her!

I pray that the New Year brings a feeling of renewal and hope to our hearts. I pray that my children continue to grow in their love of their Savior and their Father in Heaven. I pray that we continue to remember who we are, and strive to return with honor when we are once again in the presence of our Father above. Things on Earth are not perfect, but the Lord and His teachings are. As 2011 greets us, I am going to keep my thoughts and actions centered around my theme word: Present. I will work harder to really be present- fully present- when dealing with my faith, family, and home. I am going to continue reading with Becca, and when I read I am going to be present in the reading, and absorb everything the Lord would have me see. I am going to be present with my family- and remember that it is the little moments that make memories: the candy-mouthed kisses, and sticky-handed hugs. I will be present with my husband, and I will work hard be the woman that completes him. I will strive to be more present in my life, so that my eyes are more open to opportunities to serve The Lord.

May the blessings of God be upon all of us, and may 2011 be a truly wonderful year =)

My wall.

There are so many sayings about walls. "I was backed into a wall!" "I should have seen it, the handwriting was on the wall." "That was off the wall." "The kids are driving me up the wall!" Lately I feel like I have my own personal pet wall- perhaps it is attached to my shadow, or maybe it hangs around me, like some kind of invisible cloud. Not sure... but it is there, and today I ran straight into it.

Christmas is a special time of year. I love Christmas. I start celebrating in July. No, really, I do. Ask my husband about my "Christmas in July!" holiday movie marathons, and the hours of Pandora Christmas music I will play while I bake a small turkey breast and buy cranberry jelly. Yeah, crazy I guess, but something about the holidays is so wonderful- I just want to soak it in! The holidays really start for me in October. I love Halloween and I work hard to make sure my kids have cute little costumes, there are a few decorations, and that I am well stocked with yummy candy. Things heat up for us in November, we put up at least one tree and start picking out cards. As the weather gets colder I get more cheery, I love snow. So, by the time December rolls around I am usually giddy and always smiling.... so, why do I have a pet wall?

Well, yeah, we have had some hardships, but through them I have kept my heart on the real reason for this amazing holiday, and I have been able to keep myself together. However, any "excitement" this year can really be credited to my children, something about seeing the discovery of holidays through the eyes of two 5 year olds, and one 4 year old, really make holidays shine! The kids were spooked on Halloween, were thankful on Thanksgiving, and are now joyful at Christmas. They love all of it- from Christ to Santa they want to take it all in. I am grateful for that. However, I should have realized that just as no man can live by another man's faith in God, I could not get by with just my children's excitment in Christmas. No, it wasn't enough. Insert wall.

My husband is still sick. I have been cleaning, taking care of the kids, making the meals, doing the shopping, and doing all the Christmas stuff (baking, shopping, wrapping, projects) by myself. At first I know my list looks small, and I know that compared to other families my list is tiny, but to me, it is huge. I was a career student just 4 months ago, being home again is new to me. Within just a month of being home, we added my brother and his son to the family. I am not used to taking care of 6 people- it is hard! Anyway...

Today, I ran into my wall. I ran into my limit. I ran into the worst within myself. There is only so much cleaning, cooking, and childcare I can do... and after weeks and weeks without a break (or help!) I lost it. We always have dinner at 5:00pm. Always...

Somehow today, I overestimated how much I could accomplish around the house. I glanced at the clock, half way though a project, and saw that dinner was already late. It was just after 5! Dinner hadn't even been started!!! I tried to calm myself by coming up with a fast dinner option. Wait... the table was COVERED in half decorated cookies drying on parchment paper. Great... where would the kids eat? I cant have them eating spaghetti on the microfiber couch! UGH. The kids started screaming. My husband's snoring (he was in bed most of the day) and coughing, echoed through the house. My brother was napping too. I lost it.

I went into the living room. It was dark. The only lights were from the dim glow of the Christmas bulbs outside, and from the tiny tree on my desk. I cried. I cried hard. I couldn't help but pray. I felt forgotten. I poured my heart out to God, and I begged for help: I am out of options. I don't know who our Visiting Teachers or Home Teachers are. My husband cant help, he is sick. My brother cant help, he is depressed- and he, too, is pushed to his limit. I cried and I cried. I just need some help. I just need to feed my family!

With tears streaming down my face, the doorbell rang. Great. I had decided not to answer (after all, I was in a dark room, so maybe whoever it was would just assume we weren't home). The kids had other plans. Sean raced from the back of the house to the door, and before I could protest, he was working with the lock. Ugh. Well, awesome. Whoever is at the door knows we are home. I wiped the tears, comforting myself that we never have company over, so it is probably just a salesman. My heart fell when I saw it was my LDS neighbor. This is not how I want to be seen.

She saw me- dirty clothes, unwashed hair, no makeup, teary eyed, in a dim room. Kids who were still in PJ's, hair messy, candy cane smudges on their faces. She didn't judge me. She didn't ask questions. She simply smiled at me, and explained that she was supposed to have Missionaries over to her home for dinner, but due to illness they were unable to make it. She hoped that our family would come and join her and her husband- there was no way they would be able to eat the 4lb roast she had made. I stared in disbelief. I started to tear. She probably thought I was crazy, but she didn't say a word. I apologized for the state of myself and the children (for those who know us, you know the kids and I are usually "put together"). She waved her hand and laughed, she explained that we could just come in pajamas- it wouldn't bother her at all. Her warmth was overwhelming. I told her we would be there in 15 minutes.

When I closed the door, and the kids ran off, I was overcome. There are no words. In my time of need, I had my very own Christmas miracle. When I had hit my wall. When I felt like I couldn't do a single thing more for another person. When I had literally given all that I could- I knocked, and I was sent help. I was literally instantly helped. I cried more. But this time, I was crying with gratitude for such a fast response, from someone who obviously had been open to a prompting.

I got the kids dressed, and went to the bathroom to wash my face and do a little make up. I had been so amazed by such a fast dinner invitation that I didn't stop and think about what was going to be served, and I found myself rehearsing explanations as to why Harrison and I wouldn't be eating some of the things in the meal- not being able to eat gluten can appear to be rude, and the LAST thing I ever want to do is insult my hosts! My small etiquette worry was gone as soon as I arrived. Dinner was gluten-free. My neighbor has a gluten allergy and his wife makes gluten-free meals.............. amazing.......... like.......... wow.

Really. No words. I have no words. I have only awe.

"Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you" Matthew 7:7

I am so thankful for my neighbors. I am so thankful for their willingness to be instruments in the hands of God. I am so thankful for my Heavenly Father for demonstrating his love for me, yet again, in such a very profound way. I am so thankful for this day, because even though it was one of the worst beginnings, it was the best end. No matter what happens, I know Heavenly Father is there for me, and I am so grateful for that. I am so thankful for the chance I had to have dinner with my wonderful neighbors- the food was great, the conversation was delightful, and I am renewed!

The Savior said, “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28). My soul feels rest. I feel peace. I feel the joy, and the miracle, that is Christmas. I am so comforted to now know, that yes- I do have a pet wall... but that wall, has a door, and all I need to do is knock.

December Challenge!

**Taken from Women Living Well**

Peace On Earth December Challenge

The first Christmas Carol was sung by the angels:
"Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men." Luke 2:14


It was with the birth of Jesus that peace between God and man arrived. He came to die, to offer us forgiveness of our sins, and through our repentance we find peace with God. Yet it is hard to have a peace of mind during this insanely busy time for women. When we lack peace of mind, we lack peace in our homes. In our exhaustion, we become irritable and emotional. God can give us the strength to handle our challenging to-do list with grace and beauty but we need time alone resting, talking and just being with Jesus. He is our source of peace.


Jesus said "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matt. 11:28


I do not want to wake up on December 26th to find an empty feeling of guilt and exhaustion because I was so busy with the details of Christmas that I never sat down alone to just adore my precious Savior during the celebration of his birth!


So let me introduce you to the "Peace On Earth" December Challenge. Each week I will give you one practical tip and one spiritual tip that will bring you peace here on earth during this hectic holiday season.


Here's a few more details:

Here's the topic schedule for those who want to link up each week:

Today: Write at the top of your December calendar page - I Peter 5:7 "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." This will be a reminder every time you look at your calendar and feel anxious about all you have to get done - to pray. God cares for you. Release your worries to him and rest in him.


Also, go buy an extra large candle and light a candle everyday in your home in the month of December. I will be starting mine in the morning! But you can start yours at dinner time. I will be placing mine in the kitchen - the main hub of my home. Each time the candle catches your eye, say a prayer for peace in your home.


December 6th: As the warmth of Christmas has now begun to enter your home with the influx of decorations, cookie baking and friends, take out your calendar and SCHEDULE a night where you will take a warm refreshing bubble bath. I'll give you more details on what to include with this bubble bath. But until then, one main thing will be your Bible. Read the story of the birth of Jesus in Matthew 1, 2 and Luke 1,2.


December 13th: At this point, you're just 2 weeks from Christmas and there is still so much to get done. You need EXTRA rest! Pull out your calendar and SCHEDULE a night where you will go to bed very very early. Take your Bible with you to bed and read for 5 minutes. Read in Isaiah 7:14, Micah 5:2, Jeremiah 23:5, and Isaiah 53. These are prophecies that were fulfilled by the birth and life of Jesus. Get extra blankets for a warm nights rest, pray God gives you deep rest and that no one wakes you. Then turn out the lights and sleep.


December 20th: Christmas is just 5 days away and so much of our time is often spent helping the children to remember the "Reason for the Season". Now it's our turn. Once the kids are in bed get yourself a HOT drink (again we are warming the body as we warm the soul.) Get ALONE and turn out the lights by your Christmas tree, a lit fire, or a candle and just be alone with God. Pray, talk to him, I encourage you to sing Christmas carols or songs praising him, and just rest with Jesus.



December 27th: Christmas is over! And the New Year is before us. Instead of going inward like we have with the bath, bed, and fireplace, I'm going to challenge you to get out of your house. If you live in the north, you'll need to bundle up. If you have a safe neighborhood to walk in - go for a walk. If you do not, sit on your porch. The goal is to get out to the open sky and alone with God in nature. Take your Bible and get alone with God for 10 minutes. Read Matthew 27 and 28 about Jesus' death and resurrection. Commit 2011 to living for Jesus.


As you can see, not one of these challenges costs a penny. So often we seek peace by trying to buy more or accomplish more in the short time we have. We push the limits of our body by staying up late, and going and going and going. Rather than doing more, let's STOP. Just simply stop, rest and get alone with God. I think we will be surprised to find how life changing this time alone with our mighty God can be.


I need your accountability as I do this challenge. I am deeply grateful for anyone who is willing to join me on this December journey.


Jesus said in John 14:27 "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled."

Prayers and Blessings

I have been sick since last Sunday. It took me until Thursday to finally decide to ask for help. I had been in bed for days, and felt horrible! I called a friend from Church, and I told her we needed help. The next day dinner was brought (it was so delicious!), the kids were picked up for a few hours, and I was given a priesthood blessing.

Kurt wasn't home for the blessing, he was at work. A few of the men from Church came, they were so great. When they gave me the blessing, I was surprised to hear some of the contents. There was nothing about getting better, nothing about healing, nothing about health at all. What there was, were messages about comfort, reassurance, and how to get answers. I was confused, but I was thankful. I felt at peace, and took the words to heart... I just didn't quite understand them.

The next day, I did understand. I don't want to get into what happened right now. The purpose of this is to explain blessings, not discuss the current trials.

Heavenly Father sometimes speaks to us before we are ready to hear, and often we aren't prepared to hear the message he is trying to convey. However, if we are quiet, and if we seek to know Him, we will gain understanding. We do not need to know the details of God's plan in order to know that we are loved and actively cared for. Our Heavenly Father wants us to succeed.

"But the Lord knoweth all things from the beginning; wherefore, he prepareth a way to accomplish all his works among the children of men; for behold, he hath all power unto the fulfilling of all his words. And thus it is. Amen." 1 Nephi 9:6

Read With Me

Starting today, I will be reading 10 pages a day in the Book of Mormon. Read with me! If we read every day, 10 pages, we will finish by December 31, 2010. I'm doing it with or without you, but I'd love to have you join me! Let's welcome power and amazing blessings into our lives together. I guarantee it'll change you.

These are the 5 Promised Blessings we will receive if we diligently feast upon Christ's words each day:

1. We narrow the distance between ourselves & our Heavenly Father.
2. Our Spirituality shines.
3. We love more intently those we should love.
4. It's much easier to follow council given to us by prophets and leaders.
5. The lessons of life are learned more readily & surely.

There are 2 options:

1. Start on page one - 1 Nephi, Chapter 1. If you aren't reading the Book of Mormon right now in your life, start here. If you've never read the Book of Mormon, please join me and start here. If you don't have a Book of Mormon, I will get a free copy to you asap! I am reading 2 Nephi right now, but I've decided to start over today since I'll catch back up in just 7 days anyway.

2. Start where you are at if you're far into the Book already. Read 10 pages a day, and end up back where you're at on December 31st.

Here's what you do if you want to join me:
Go to this site and sign up!

**All content from this post is from Becca Jane's blog. She is an excellent friend of mine and came up with this challenge! Sign up on her site, and see more instructions- it is going to be wonderful!

October Challenge!

I found this really great site today! It is by a Christian woman who is SUPER AWESOME! I have been reading her posts nonstop, and they are really helpful and uplifting.

She has started a challenge for making homes better places! I am SOOOO ready to do that!!!!

If you are interested in seeing her blog click the pic =)

This is the gal that was featured on Rachel Ray! Here is the vid:

Let the good times roll!!!!!

Sean plays with Lego cars!

Harrison decides he is going to be Mr.Potato Head!

Carter cant wait to play with his new train!


Carter has been working REALLY hard to earn his Toy Story 3 Lego Train. Yesterday was the day we went to the store and brought it home!!!! He was SO excited!!! It took Mom 4 hours to put the train together, but it was worth it! The boys had a great time playing today- SO NICE!

I love being home. It is so hard... really, the hardest thing I have ever done. I had forgotten the physical and mental exertion that being a homemaker requires, but I know it is all worth it!


I don't get paychecks, but I get to kiss my little boys' faces a hundred times a day.

I don't get praise from superiors, but I get random "fank-you!"s from my little men.

I don't get lunch breaks, spa trips, or African vacations... but I get SO MUCH MORE with every single conversation I have with my children.

I am so happy to be with them. I knew they were great kids, but I had no idea just HOW great they were!

I have so many dreams for them... but my dreams are not about what professions they will choose, what kinds of homes they will own, or anything of that sort. My dream for them is that they always know how much I love them. I want them to be happy. I want them to know Kurt and I love them unconditionally. I want them to know that our Heavenly Father knows them, loves them, and wants nothing more than for them to return home to him. I want them to know that they are such wonderful blessings and I am honored to be their mother.

I love you!

Two boys

one... two

Two boys

You and You

Two boys

buckets of fun

Two boys for everyone!