Day 13

**Wednesday's post, written Thursday. Sorry about that...

Today was busy. Not in a bad way, just busy.

Went to the library! We got some new books! We are over 70 now. GO US! The kids are reading a lot more on their own too- they carry their favorites in their beds, and keep a few in the car. Love it!

Homeschool went GREAT today. Carter grasped a math concept that had been eluding him, and we all celebrated his victory! WONDERFUL! He was very proud of his accomplishment and I am so proud of him for continuing to try so hard!

Got your mail!

We got your package today! It was wonderful! The boys loved it!!!

Seraphina is really loving her bath time- she is by far our splash-iest child yet! A change of clothes is necessary after bathing her, lol!

Day 12

Good evening!

Today was an excellent day!

As I mentioned earlier (it is now past 10:30pm) I was given such a wonderful sleep last night! Loved it and it was so appreciated. Wonderful, wonderful! In my attempt to replicate I cluster fed little Seraphina, and I topped her off with 4 1/2oz a few hours ago. With luck she will be more comfortable, but if not- I will be there for her all night =)

Boys joined us for snuggle time this morning!

Carter finished writing his chapter book- I have it in a box to go to you! I hope you enjoy it as much as we did! Because Carter loved writing so much, I gave both him and Harrison some of my old school notebooks. I ripped my class notes out of them (because I don't think they would have cared about racial paradigms) and gave them both pens to use as well. Carter immediately wrote to you- that page is in the box as well. Harrison drew pictures of cats, then wrote a grocery list, then made a to-do list. Funny children! Carter, I believe, has written a few chapters about "Bad Kitty" in his. The rule is that everyone can only touch his own notebook- although both have chosen to share the contents, I have a feeling this notebook rule will help foster a good respect for privacy and allow for a safe outlet of journaling later on.

Today I fixed pulled pork again. I can't lie- it is tasty and so easy- so yup, it had to be done! I love the slow cooker, it really makes life easier. The boys happily gobbled it too- so that is always a win in my book. We made our own pizzas for lunch, the kids get such a kick out of that! You will notice when I blog about our eating that it is not nearly as healthy as when you were here. I assure you that some days it is, I just don't snap pictures of the turkey served with avocado with sliced apples (yesterday's dinner).

I did some schoolwork of my own today! Took a quiz too... only got a 90% on it... but I blame Seraphina. Of course the moment I opened the quiz window she started screaming. Carter tried so hard to help out, but my mind was too distracted. It is okay, I will do better next time. Thankfully this class is also heavily weighted in participation through online discussions and I already completed that portion, so I should be good in the end! I even watched 20 minutes of a super boring interesting online lecture too! One of my classes has a few hours of lecture a week, I figure I will just watch during my nightly pumping session... because... well... pumping is boring  important... and this class is boring interesting, so it sounds like a match made in Heaven!

Boys playing in the "Batcave"

Your box is ready to go, I will ship it out tomorrow. It might end up being 2 boxes, I am not sure yet...

My mother sent a box and it arrived today. Large and heavy thing! You will love this: it is a "Blue" box. Directions: open when feeling blue. Get it? HAHA! I think it is such a WONDERFUL idea! I peeked inside and grabbed a few items that she had okayed me to have early. I didn't look very far into the box, but I can tell you it is amazing. Basically, on a day that I am feeling pretty down- I am going to open the "blue box" and use the contents to brighten our day! There are things in it for me and the kids, and basically will set us up for a day of fun! What a sweet and thoughtful gift! I cannot wait to open it, but at the same time- can wait to open it because that means I would have had a rather difficult day! (So, be warned- if I told you we opened the blue box, maybe send flowers or something!)

The kids LOVE Harry-son on Time4Learning!

Homeschool went well! We read our challenge books too. Oh my gosh, funniest book today! The kids were rolling over Penguin. Kurt, seriously, this book is amazingly funny. I am going to do this craft with them tomorrow (the link gives you an idea of the book too). Oh my gosh, so hysterical. I love this reading challenge so much because it gives us the opportunity to just grab a book off a shelf and find such a rare gem, when it is not necessarily a book we would have ever chosen to read otherwise! Seriously, I love this book!

The kids helped with chores. I fed and watered the kitties (they also got the ugly fatty parts of the pork). I burned the garbage. Carter and I cleaned the kitchen after Harrison went to bed. As a reward I allowed Carter to play Legos for an hour after bedtime. He asked if he could stay up later, but agreed to go to sleep immediately if I allowed him to wear his Batman costume to bed. So, Harrison is sleeping soundly next to the caped crusader.

**She doesn't always look like this. However, you mentioned you don't remember what it looked like when she would cry, and said, "She never seems to cry, judging by your pictures!" So, I took this to prove... yes, she cries... and gets very angry... (she was asleep 5 minutes later, she was ready for snuggles and bed!)**

Day 11

We are about to head out the door and do our grocery shopping! I am going to take the kids to McDonalds before we go to the grocery store, hopefully some time running in the tubes will help the boys get some wiggles out. =)

Anarel and I will be FaceTiming today or tomorrow and making another batch of fudge. She is confidant she can help me improve!

I am going to swing by the library too- only to drop books off though. If you click on the widget to the right of the screen, it will show you that Carter and Harrison are on track to read their 1,500 books this year!

Carter wrote a chapter book! I have only seen two of the chapters (he allows me to read one each day) and it is AMAZING! He wrote his own spin-off of Star Wars! He wrote it in a small notebook, and his chapters are a few pages long. Thus far the story that I have seen is about 3 adult paragraphs long- pretty good for a 2nd grader who hates language arts! I did not ask him to write it, he did it on his own.

Carter asked me to share with you that his score has improved 18 points in math, in just under 2 weeks. That is wonderful, and I am so proud of him trying so hard! (Notice I did not say "he is smart" - because praise like that hurts kids.)

Harrison had another nightmare last night. Poor little guy. During his prayers he asked, "Please keep Daddy alive." Perhaps when things get calmer for you, we can go back to you reading them a chapter at bedtime.

**okay, stopping now so I can get the house picked up. Fina fell asleep, so we will be waiting until she wakes to go shopping.

And I sat down the next day, lol!!!

Okay, so, the rest of the day went like this:

GREAT.

No, really, it was great! The kids did great at the grocery store, and were angels at McDonalds. The kids met some other kids at the playland, and the children asked Harrison if he was sick. Harrison was confused, and the kids said, "Well, you aren't in school, so you must be sick, right?" No, lol. Those kids did not have school that day, and found it interesting our kids didn't have school any day! (Boy are they wrong! They have more school days than any kid in traditional schools!)

Seraphina sat in a high chair for the first time ever (supported by a blanket, and of course I stayed close to her at all times). She loved it! No, she did not eat McDonalds food- she tried to grab it, but no no no.

Grocery shopping was a breeze. I wore Seraphina and pushed the cart, and the boys helped me get items from the shelves. I often asked Carter to look for an item, and would show him the general location, and ask him to read the labels until he found what I wanted. He did really well! (He was annoyed, but did it anyway without complaint.)

The kids did really well until bedtime, not sure what the disconnect was. They had a hard time, but ended up going to sleep eventually. Seraphina was pretty wakeful at first, but once I went to bed she slept GREAT! She woke once between 11pm and 9am! It was wonderful! Carter kept Harrison quiet (I could hear his instructions) and let me sleep in until almost 9. GREAT GREAT GREAT!

Day 10!

Greetings!

This morning blurred with last night.

Carter, as you know, went to bed feeling quite sick. After I finished blogging I took a bath. It was wonderful! I used one of my parents' bath fizzies, it was luxurious! I felt refreshed, grabbed my book, shot my parents a quick thank-you for the fizzies, and then Fina woke up, lol! It was okay, I was thankful for her timing, I got my bath!!! Just after Fina fell asleep, I heard screaming coming from the boys' room. Harrison had a horrid nightmare! He refused to sleep anywhere but with me. So, two kids in my bed = long night. I was terrified of something happening to Seraphina, as she usually has so much room in the bed with me, so I just couldn't sleep at all. She couldn't either, and was crying every two hours.

I ended up sending a very sleepy Harrison to his own room at 7, and nursing Fina. I knew it was time to get ready to go to Church, but I closed my eyes and it was 9am! The kids had gotten up late too, but both felt okay (thank Heavens!), and they had breakfast. I changed Seraphina, and settled down to nurse her again, and we fell asleep again! Fina and I napped together until ONE this afternoon! The boys were thrilled, they had built a whole Lego city, and had rested as well.

The cats brought me a dead bird today... /sigh... they also brought the ham bone back to the front yard. I wonder what they are trying to say... hmmmm....

I didn't take many pictures today, and the ones I did snap didn't look great. So, I will text them instead of putting them on here. Sorry about that, just too exhausted!

Well, that is it for today, not much to tell I am afraid. Spent the waking hours playing with Fina and the boys, and the boys enjoyed playing Wii for the first time in days (I know, they got away with a LOT today, right?!). Hope you had a restful Sunday!

First week reflections... (Day 8).. (and day 9)

This is the candle I light every night, after all the kids are in bed. I light it, think of you, and pray for our family. It is wonderful, and I love it. It feels like a welcome friend, here to comfort and kindle. 

Last night, after I put the kids to bed and finished writing to you, I lit my little candle, and then I hit a wall. There simply are not enough hours in a day, especially if Seraphina is going to cry for most of them.

As you know, your call did not help.

I talked to a friend, and she helped me settle down a bit, and reminded me that as a man you are programmed to "fix things." While that is wonderful and great, all I really wanted was a hug. You and I had the same goals, but were on different pages of the program. I appreciate your motives, but please understand that after a day where there was at least one child screaming and crying for almost the entire day, "fix it" discussions need to be set on the backburner until I can calm my nerves. I love you so much, and I know you meant well, but that really hurt my feelings, as I translated your "Let me fix this!" into "I have to fix it because you must be doing something wrong."

It is not about time. It is not about wasted time, anyway. I am actually quite efficient, and most days I can tell you exactly where our time went. Lazy days are something I occasionally indulge in, but I can assure you we have not been having a laziness problem. This is simply a problem of too much and too little time. Can it be managed when Seraphina is not completely out-of-her-mind-inconsolable? YES. However, apparently we are bound to have some bad days, and we need to figure out how to manage them better. I mean, seriously, Kurt- my own mother couldn't have managed that day better (and she is an efficiency EXPERT!)

I thought hard about what I could cut out, or do, to help with the day:

• Go to disposable diapers?
• Hire a housekeeper to come a few times a week?
• Cut out our reading challenge?
• Put the kids in public school?
• Stop blogging to you?
• Move now?
• Drop my classes?
• Lean on more convenience foods, and stop making meals myself?
• Allow Seraphina to cry it out?  (Notice it is crossed out. There is no way I can do this. It is not my parenting style. YES- I had moments where I had to walk away from her yesterday, but Carter took care of her at those times- I cannot allow her to cry it out alone. I am fully aware that if I had just allowed her to scream and cry herself into exhaustion I could have gotten my work done, physically, but not mentally- crying infants unnerve me to no end, and there is just no way I can do it.)

As you can see, I have some options...

I am going to start with blogging. However, rather than stop completely, I am going to change how I do it: I am going to try and stop attempting to post at the end of the day, as it only seems to work out every other day! So, instead I will try and "check in" here a few times a day to post thoughts or funny stories about the kids. Pictures, too!

As I write this, Carter is downstairs getting dressed. (The little angel used all the hot water for his own shower, and didn't give a thought to the three others that need showers this morning. I am not angry, more annoyed- we are supposed to meet Melissa in a few hours, and we all need showers! Carter doesn't normally do things like that- so I just asked him to be more considerate next time.) Harrison is entertaining Seraphina- here are a few pictures I just took:

 Harrison said he needed to teach "Baby School" and that it was very important Seraphina learn her math.

****36 hours later....****

 And now I am sitting down again, lol!

Fina at McDonalds. Apparently the excitement wore her out!

Yesterday afternoon I went to McDonalds to see Melissa and her bunch. What fun! The kids played for nearly four hours! They really needed to run off some steam! Our kids always get along so well, it is really a joy to be around them! Seraphina had a much better day, it was wonderful!


I decided that I will be reading textbooks during many of my nursing sessions. I will not read them during the night sessions, or the first or last feeding of her day, but the others I will. I managed to get an average of 12 pages in per session- not bad! I finished up the reading later that evening, and then ended up reading most of the chapter for another class. Good job, self! (As usual, I will do all I can to stop doing any kind of work after 9pm, so I can focus on unwinding.)

I read while nursing! **To readers: I do not normally allow my infant to sleep like this. Seraphina is on a hospital-grade home monitor, so I feel comfortable allowing her to nap in a cushy bed with blankets. If she did not have a monitor, I would not be comfortable doing this. So, before anyone freaks out- know that she is monitored! 

The night went pretty well, except I couldn't sleep! I woke up and thought it was early morning, and decided I was alert enough to start my day, only to find it was 12:40am. Oops! So, I called you. We had a good chat. I miss our talks. We don't get many anymore- it seems like a little person needs something, you are at work, or I am sleeping!

Friday nights without you - thrilling. (no!)

This morning (Saturday) I decided that I would take the day off. It was NECESSARY. By take the day off- I mean, of course, I fed the farm cats, burned the garbage, and did laundry all day long. I also finished my work for that other class. However, I did most of this in my pajamas while the boys played Legos or watched movies in the livingroom while you were on Skype (little Fina ate her teethers and cuddled while I folded or read). I sort of like days where we can Skype like this, because even though you are far, seeing you in the corner of the computer screen is comforting- it isn't scheduled or planned, you are just hanging out with us. It is nice and makes the house feel a bit more normal.

The kids loved to see you!

Harrison fed you popcorn! (I know you must have felt really silly doing this, but he was over-the-moon THRILLED about it. Thanks!)

Fina had a good day, until 5pm! She ended up falling asleep for good at 6, I just couldn't keep her up until 7- she was too tired and it was cruel to try and make her stay awake. The boys stayed up a bit later than usual, and watched an Indiana Jones movie while I read my textbook and sent you odd questions about puberty. I do love how being a student makes a mind expand! I never thought of asking you questions like that (thanks for your honesty)!!!

We had chili today- I have been doing our main meal earlier in the day and then reheating for dinner. I hate leftovers, as you know, and doing this doesn't feel as much like leftovers... doesn't make sense, I am sure, but it is working so I go with it. We will need to grocery shop on Monday, dunn dunn dunnnnnn! Just kidding- I am sure it will go quicker this time! Carter and Harrison helped me make the chili, it was easy as there aren't a lot of ingredients. Harrison really wanted to cut the onion, I talked him out of it.

Carter is sick. It takes an awful lot to make that one sick, so I am hoping it is just a migraine. I called the Primary President, just in case. He looks awful, and it didn't hit him until about 8:00 tonight.

The cats (Jasper, specifically) brought me a dead mouse today.... so, now a dead mouse and a dead snake are in the front yard. How, exactly, do the cats prevent other cats from tampering with these wonderful "gifts?" Ugh... I may end up setting a burn barrel fire tonight and sneaking those in. I don't want the kids to see me burn bodies of animals, but I am not digging the pet cemetery look going on right now.

Tonight was a wee bit stressful. I worked hard to finish the work in one of my classes, and I have been trying to be proactive in schoolwork- as my friend Kaysha suggested, just in case something comes up. Smart idea, especially with Seraphina's history. It is so tempting to do schoolwork or housework on Sundays- but then I remember the enormous blessings that have come from taking Sundays off- and I KNOW the best thing I can do for our family is to just back off and rest. As you know, my Sabbath really starts on Saturday night, once I have decided to "clock out." Clocking out is something I look forward to so much- by the time Saturday night comes both my mind and body are so weary! Lighting my candle and saying my prayer, I can feel the peace of the day wash over me.  I was about to light my little candle after I had put the boys to bed, when Seraphina woke up. I admit I was frustrated- I had looked forward to that moment all week! But then, I took a deep breath, and I realized that I need to let go of the notion of "clocking out" for now. I will be able to do that in a few months, but for now- "clocking out" cannot be done. I know letting go of my beloved clocking out will help me, because if I don't set it up in my mind, I cannot possibly be disappointed about something interfering with it. Instead of feeling disappointment at the alone time I am missing, I need to learn to stop and appreciate the beautiful gift of alone time I manage to get. Yes. A change in perspective is all that is needed to remedy the situation. So, as I nursed our little angel back to sleep, I snuggled her a little longer because I knew it was where I needed to be.

I have boxes for you and for my sister for Fudge Round 2. Anarel is going to FaceTime me and help me out. This WILL be fixed, and you WILL get delicious fudge. I refuse to send either of you shoddy baked goods! I have another box going for you too... it contains your mangled pillow. I am so sorry- the washing machine ate it, horrible thing. I tried to fix it as best as I could, and hopefully it will work out, if not, let me know and I will hunt for the perfect pillow replacement! Carter and Harrison also have things they want to mail to you. We will get them all out on Monday.

I love you very much, and am sorry this took two days to get out!

Day 7

What a night!

Seraphina was up until after 4am, ugh! She was fussy and crying the whole time, I felt awful for her. I gave her teething tablets and she finally went to sleep. When we woke up it was almost 9am! She was cooing to herself, and I could hear the boys whispering. Carter was telling Harrison, "Shhh! Mommy was up late with Seraphina, be quiet!" Harrison protested, insisting it was after 8am, so I wouldn't be mad if they woke me. Carter insisted that Harrison leave me alone and let me sleep, and then attempted to start homeschooling Harrison himself. This, of course, lead to an altercation. Carter tried so hard to help me out!

Angry face...

The boys take advantage of a "Happy Fina" moment and put pictures in their picture books. (Seraphina is in the background, enjoying her playgym. This quiet lasted 15 minutes...)

Carter's breakfast. Applesauce, sausage and eggs, and a blueberry muffin (Udi's- I didn't bake it myself).

We had a slow day. It was needed. Seraphina cried approximately 80% of the day, and I would bet that is a conservative estimation. Carter, Harrison, and I all took turns with her- attempting to hold, soothe, and comfort her. It was difficult. So, forgive the lack of pictures today- it was a long day...

The boys managed to do their homeschool work today. We did it early, thankfully. We ended up grabbing blankets and watching Phineas and Ferb in the living-room- Seraphina's screams wore us all down.

I asked Carter to watch Fina while I stepped out to feed and water the cats. I needed the air, and a break from her screaming. I grabbed the mail and read the water... (forgot to pay that today, I am sorry. I will get it out tomorrow!) and then I noticed something on the front steps. The cats laid the snake across the step! ICK! I have no idea how they did it, but snapped a picture for your amusement. I am texting it to you, because I don't want pictures of dead snakes on my blog, lol. I said thank you to the kitties for the nice "present" and went inside to try and soothe Fina once more. She wasn't having any of it. In the end, it was literally a whole day of passing her from person to person. She nursed more than 12 times- I stopped counting at 12. I would guess it was something like 14 or 16... needless to say I am sore and very ready for a break.

Melissa contacted me, we are going to get together tomorrow. It will be SO nice for the boys to play with their friends! They need to get out! (So do I!)

My fudge was not great. I talked to Anarel, she helped me figure out what I did wrong. We will try Fudge Round 2 tomorrow, maybe, if Fina is better. Carter will love helping, I am sure.

We finished the Mercy book tonight. Harrison already picked another Mercy book from the library, so we will start that one tomorrow. They sure love bedtime chapters!!!

Yellow Face is in the garage with just Sampson tonight. The two are happy and cuddling. Yellow Face didn't look any better- but hopefully will improve with time. Sampson is keeping Yellow Face warm, with lots of snuggles.

I love you. I want to write more, but it is already Thursday and I need to finish the readings for the week. Oh my, it is already 9:15pm?! Ugh. I guess reading will have to wait until tomorrow. Nighty!

Day 6

Good day!

This morning the kids were all up pretty early, so they came and spent a few minutes in my room. They talked about going to Utah, and Carter listed all the things he was going to do with Kayla (go on walks, ride roller-coasters, etc). The conversation got into how Carter planned on having at least three kids; four, if Kayla refused to play Wii with him (because they need 5 players, you know). Harrison said he wanted 7 kids. Harrison then lifted the blankets and looked at me, said, "Why is your belly still small?" Confused, I didn't answer. "Mom, I told you we needed a boy baby- isn't he there yet?" FUNNY kid. No, Harrison- there is no baby in there. (Bonus points for calling my postpartum belly small though, kiddo)

We did a bare bones homeschool today, because your mom came over. We all went into town to return books to the library and then I ran into the grocery store for parchment for your fudge.

The library trips are fun. I have decided there is really no way I can carry all of those books while I carry Seraphina, so I started bringing them in a laundry basket. We are reading a lot each day, and on track for our 1,500 unique books! The boys are really enjoying it, and help me read. They love picking out books- it is neat to see their excitement!

I grabbed the parchment paper- need it if I am going to do that fudge! I also grabbed you something else. I will try to get a box out to you in the next few days. Time flies, and at the same time goes so slowly... it is frustrating.

My books came today. Good and not so good at the same time. Now, I have to read them! One chapter in each one, about 200 pages or so. Not bad at all, but would be better if Seraphina would stop crying so I could read them!

Fina is teething. I bought her a feeder thing that holds frozen fruit- so she can chomp it. Look at her angry chomping face! It is scary!

The kids played outside today, and while they were out (it was really sunny!) I had the front door open (storm door closed). Carter came near and spotted something off the porch. He asked what it was. I looked and realized it was a snake! It wasn't a huge snake- but a snake, nonetheless. ICK! Carter called Harrison over, and while Carter was kicking bits of snow onto the creature, Harrison asked if they could throw things at the snake. I said no. Harrison then asked, "Can we poke it wif a stick?" I said no, rather sharply, and Harrison looked at me, eyes wide with wonder, and asked why.... well.... I had no answer. So, they went off to find a stick.

They came back, sticks in hand, and Harrison started smacking the snake. It wasn't until Carter poked at it that the snake moved!!!! The kids FREAKED OUT! They dropped their sticks and ran, holding one another, lol! Yup, we watched it, and sure enough it moved- really slowly, but it was moving. I kept looking outside every so often (the boys came in, they were freaked!) and an hour later it was gone. The cats must have gotten it. ICK!

I made your fudge, Carter helped. Well, no- Carter just stood there and demanded samples.

Yellow Face came to live in the garage. Sampson and Dark Face were with her. They are happy. Hopefully this will help Yellow Face recover from whatever is going on. She doesn't look so good. They all were cuddling happily when I checked.

 10pm...

Carter and Fina wouldn't sleep. Carter helped me clean (man of the house, you know) and then we put on The Lorax movie. Seraphina woke up and refused to go back to sleep, so she joined us. These kids need to go to bed! Carter I can see staying up, the kid put away FIVE loads of laundry, swept the floor, and did dishes. Fina, no- she needs rest!